Live Earth

Has anyone been watching the Live Earth gigs taking place around the world? I've been catching bits of the London show from about 5pm onward, and I've got to admit that I'm a little underwhelmed. First of all, I'm not terribly impressed by the line-up, and secondly I can't help feeling that multiple huge concerts taking place across the planet sort of gives out mixed messages about conserving energy and doing our bit to prevent climate change.

Let's address the second point first. Climate change is, for want of a better phrase, obviously something of a hot topic at the moment. This might come as a surprise to you, but I'm not a leading scientist or world leader, so I don't want to go into whether it is happening or not, or poke a finger of blame in the eyes of those who may or may not be responsible, but let's take it as a given that something's happening to the planet. Recently here in London there was an event called 'Lights out London' in which major landmarks throughout the city turned off all their lights for an hour or so. Apparently it saved a shitload of energy which in turn cut the city's C02 output, if only for a short time. So today, how did we encourage awareness of climate change? By putting on nine massive gigs, each of which would've required considerable amounts of energy, as well as generating rather a lot of C02 in order to transport many of the acts to the venues by, in many cases I'd guess, plane. I'd be fascinated to know if, or how much of that, will be offset by the organisers.

Don't get me wrong - I'm all for raising awareness because I hope that the theoretical children I one day hope to have will inherit a planet that's in a better condition than how this generation inherited it. But I can't help thinking that encouraging people to TURN OFF their televisions for six or seven hours rather than SITTING DOWN in front of their televisions for six or seven hours might've been a better way of getting the message across.

But then again, blank screens don't make for a good way of getting a message across, do they - because surely people would just turn over to another channel or stick a DVD on? Damned if you do, damned if you don't I suppose…

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As for the line-up, well, as I said, I was a bit underwhelmed. When I started watching the Red Hot Chili Peppers were playing. Hmmm, pretty good - I'm not a massive fan, but they sure can play. Things kind of went downhill from there for me, at least for a while; if I never see or hear Keane ever again it might still be too soon. I simply don't get that band, and there were a fair few bum notes throughout their set, at least to my ears. The Pussy Cat dolls were weird too; by all accounts there was a rapturous response to their performance, but I couldn't help agreeing with my bro' when he said that it looked like Al Gore had simpy rounded up seven L.A. prostitutes and plonked them on stage to gyrate sluttily at their leisure.

I was also perplexed by the addition of some acts that I simply didn't think could fill the space in that vast new Wembley Stadium. Corrine Bailey Rae? An absolutely gorgeous voice, but she wouldn't be my first choice to play such a gig*. She kind of looked a bit lost up there on that massive stage - a bit like a four year old performing in a school play who you're pretty sure is on the verge of wetting herself due to nerves.

There were some highlights, though; Spinal Tap really did crank it up to 11, although bitch-slaps beckon for whichever BBC producer decided to cut away from their set to show us some dodgy woman miming to eurotrash pop while busticating out bizarre dance moves in Brazil; this happened on several occasions, and it was VERY. ANNOYING. Ooo, the Beastie Boys rocked too; intergalactic planetary, planetary intergalactic, if ya knows what I mean!

The highlight of the evening for me, though, was the Foo Fighters. Yes, yes, I know that I'm a fan of theirs anyway, but they were the only act that actually made it look like they got all 60,000 people in that stadium singing and dancing along. 'My Hero' and 'Everlong' have surely entered the pantheon of greatest stadium rock songs evah. Oh, and the sight of Dave Grohl's little daughter watching from the wings while wearing massive ear defenders was possibly the cutest thing I've seen in ages.

Sadly, the Foos were followed by someone's grandma playing guitar badly and masquerading as Madonna (who is, incidently a hypocrite who has invested heavily in some of the most polluting companies in the world). Whoever she was, though, what's with her hands?! Are they subject to rapid aging or were they transplanted from a corpse? It was like that episode of Star Trek: The Next Generation where Captain Picard's hands age after he dips them into another time zone.

Incidently, 'Madonna' was introduced by Terence Stamp who lectured us on climate change and totally missed the opportunity to shout "KNEEL BEFORE ZOD" to a worldwide audience. Seriously, if General Zod tells me to cut my carbon emissions, I'm going to cut my carbon emission, no two ways about it.

To sum it up, regardless of what I thought of who was playing, I can only think that Live Earth was an intrinsically flawed, but well-intentioned event. It would be interesting to know how many of the 60,000 people at Wembley were there to support the cause, and how many were there simply because they wanted to see an aged crone sing 'Ray of Light.'

Sadly, I suppose the only way we'll find out is if the polar ice caps are still in existence in 100 years times…


*Sorry Corrine, I'm just citing you as an example because you're being repeated on BBCi as I write this. There were others who shared your fate, but I can't think who they were off the top of my head. Oh, James Blunt. But that's also because I actually kinda hate him. Well, there's no 'kinda' about it: I HATE HIM.