Friday, July 13, 2007

Join the resistance! ***Now with sweaty update***

Right, that's it: I'm making a stand. Do you know how many people have told me to join f**kin' Facebook in the last couple of days? No, me neither - because I'm starting to loose count. It's getting silly, so I've decided to start the inevitable rebellion against Facebook before it officially becomes an unfashionable website. Hey, it's bound to happen - last week MySpace was the darling of the online networking sites, this week it's Facebook. I'm just bypassing the actual 'using-of-it' and going straight into "Facebook? Oh, *so* last week." At which point I'll also roll my eyes, tut, then sip from my antique 18th century teacup while extending my pinkie.

My reasons for actual honest-to-god hatred of Facebook are thus:

• I really can't be bothered to set up *another* tinternet page that I feel compelled to check each and every day. When it comes down to it, this blog is my main online focus, and everything else is relatively unimportant and extraneous in the grand scheme of things*.

• My MySpace page has pretty much just become a place I use to find out more about the bands I like. It serves additional functions as a repository for reposting blog entries when I can be bothered, and, alarmingly, somewhere where sexy strangers can let me know about their webcam shenanigans - so long as I'm over 18 (which they'd know if they bothered to look at my profile! Tut!)

• I don't like this whole Facebook thing of not being able to look at a page without first being a member. It makes it sound like online Scientology or something - all exciting spaceships and mysterious planets on the face of it, but the brutal reality is wacky Tom Cruise and an increasingly cadaverous John Travolta.

• I really don't think I want some people I used to know tracking me down and wanting to be my Facebook pal.

So, anyway, I'm not, repeat NOT, joining Facebook, despite at least two people telling me it's like a Mac to MySpace's PC. And that's exactly what I told Glittering Lee when he emailed me earlier. His reply? Why, he said MySpace was only for "emo fags."

I've tollerated being called many things in my life, but "emo" is way out of line.


Just seen the most ludicrous comment on the cooking instructions for the new potatoes I had for dinner: 'When cooked, serve.'


'When cooked, serve?!'

Well - what the hell else am I going to do with them? Roll them across the floor for shits and giggles? Put them on display in the Tate Modern!? "Oh darling, you really must see 'Potatoes in Situ' - it's a marvellous piece."

Stupid! And do you know what the worst thing was? They tasted nasty anyway.


Right - I'm off to Badminton in a bit. It's the last one for a couple of weeks or so, and I want to see if I can batter Karate Kid and his dad (who looks remarkably like Ed Begley Jr) into submission.


They were a no-show! Ha! Can you believe that?! Obviously they were scared off by my on-court flair for the dramatic and fluid, elegant moves. No cock jokes required here - I'm a winner.

Hell - we're all winners.

*Which kind of makes it sound like I have a well-thought-out Machiavellian plot devised for this whole online thing, hmmm?


Tara said...

I hate Facebook. I'm on it because friends wanted me to join (exactly how I joined MyCult..I mean MySpace). Then what's become even weirder is that students who graduated from the school I work at have requested me as friends. We hardly spoke, I don't get it. But I hardly even check my profile now.

Tim said...

Viva la resistance, Tara, VIVA LA RESISTANCE!

I might organise a demonstration march!

skillz said...

*invites tim to facebook*

Tim said...

Nice try, mister! I'm going to start an online resistance - we'll have many bases of operation - MySpace, Bebo, and Facebo-


Inexplicable DeVice said...

Duh! "When cooked, serve" obviously means a backhanded smash over the net.

I find FaceBook tedious. Peeling the skin off faces, drying & pressing it, treating it, then binding it into a book just takes up too much of my time.
Plus, it's difficult to find good skin these days. Oily T-zones and acne are rife!

Will said...

Facebook is getting fucking ridiculous; you can't meet up with anyone in 'real life' without it being mentioned within the first ten minutes. And sometimes I'm the one doing the mentioning, which annoys me even more.

Tim said...

Inexplicable Device - Ah, can you imagine? A quality smash over the net would be more than awesome - it would be potato-tastic!

*makes note to buy more potatoes*

So you're effectively saying that Facebook is the serial killer's equivalent of flower pressing? Interesting and somewhat grissly theory...!

Will - Then join the revolution! Delete you Facebook profile, tell your friends where to go, and stop this online social networking before it consumes your life!!

Skillz - Oh, you didn't? You did, didn't you? You bastard.

WillowC said...

But just imagine the frolics you could have if, oh, say, a certain ex-Star Trek Office lurker were to befriend you and start up a facebook messageboard discussion about how clever he is.

I'm not helping, am I?

Tim said...

You could just start that up anyway. It would just be weird if I started up my own messageboard discussion about how clever I am.

Coming soon: Sparkymalarkey messageboards!

WillowC said...

I'll do you a deal: come to facebook and I'll make you your very own group called "Tim is very special".

Tim said...

Don't patronise me. I'm not Luke Skywalker, you're not Darth Vader, and I'm certainly not joining the dark side.

WillowC said...

It's true, I'm not, but I can heavy breathe like a pro.

Dinah said...

I used to be the biggest "facebook is stupid, it's a cult, it's dangerous, people are losers..." then I got on it, and I'm addicted. Definitely less now that I was when I first started up, but still.

My defense is that I like being able to post pictures up once, and people can see them, without me having to email them or send a link or somesuch. Yeah, flimsy...I'm not proud of this. And I do largely respect the anti-facebook approach.

That doesn't mean that I don't wish everyone had it, though...

Tim said...

Willow - Um, OK… Well, you just, er, carry on!

Dinah! First of all - you're back! Second of all - how could you? Betrayed by one of my own! Damn!!

WillowC said...

See I just installed a cute little application on facebook that lets one nominate people for awards. You could have had the one saying "most likely to make me laugh", but now you're just going to have to go without!

p.s. I'm a little upset because the word verification this thing has given me is a bit judgy, to be frank. It says 'inept'.

Tim said...

Ahhhhhh… Still not doing it!

WV has a knack of judging people correctly, particularly IDV.