It's the shoes

About five weeks ago I ordered a pair of shoes off the intermaweb. Note I said shoes, not trainers: shoes. Rather posh shoes, too. I thought I'd try to add a dash of suave to my feet, you see.

I usually try not to buy footwear off the web unless they're a new pair of trainers from a brand I know I take a size eight in, because I think they're the sort of thing that you really need to try on, unlike, say, a t-shirt. Or some pants. But I decided to take the plunge with these shoes because they looked awesome, and were reasonably priced (which was important because I figured I'd probably tire of wearing shoes and revert to trainers after a couple of weeks of trying to look smart and sophisticated).

Anyway, long story short: they got lost in the post. And then I had to wait about two weeks before I could declare them officially lost. Or, most likely, stolen by some chavvy postman.

The situation was resolved this week, and finally, long after the guaranteed 1-3 days delivery schedule, they turned up. Yay! Excitedly I ripped open the packaging and whipped the lid off the box and there they were and they looked-

Um…

Really freakin' pointy and massive.

A little aside here: I don't like pointy shoes. I think they look weird. And these hadn't looked terribly pointy on the intermaweb. I'll try them on, I thought - I bet they'll look awesome on my feet.

They didn't look awesome on my feet. They looked like massive pointy lady shoes.

So I took them off, put them back in the box, packaged it back up, and put them back in the post (recorded delivery, mind). And I'd waited over a month for these?! Bad times.

If I EVER say I'm thinking about buying some shoes of the internet again that are anything other then Etnies trainers, please remind me not to. Perhaps the only amusing thing to come out of the whole affair is the fact that somewhere out there, there is a chavvy, thieving postal worker who has feet that look like they belong to a cross-dressing clown.

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I've noticed recently that there's a lot of songs on the radio that have swears in them that the radio station need to cut out when they play them on daytime shows. The most apparent to me has been Jamie T's 'Sheila,' which is a song I love, and which has two cut swears very close together:

"well done jack, glug down that cider,
your right she's a slut
and you never f**king liked her"

Great lyrics, huh? Anyway, I've begun entertaining myself during the day (usually in the afternoon when I'm a tad giddy) by filling in the blanks whenever the song is played. I literally just sit there and pipe up with two random words, like 'potato,' and 'bleeping.' It keeps me happy.

Anyone got any better suggestions?

Talking of 'Sheila,' it's been re-released but they've filmed a different video - with Bob Hoskins of all people! Here they both are.



As much of a coup as it to get Bob Hoskins to do a music video, I think I prefer the first one; it has monkeys in it!

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What is it with teenagers trying to sound all hip and street these days? I bought some milk in Tesco on the way home tonight, and the guy who served me at the till, who was clearly a young, white, middle-class kid, looked at me and said "Dat'll be wah poun six-tee" while jigging away behind the counter like an incontinent hippity-hoppity star.

I looked him straight in the eye and was this close to saying "dude, this is Richmond-Upon-Thames. That is *so* not your accent," but I really couldn't be bothered, because by that time he'd begun struggling to work out what combination of coins he should give me for my change - and that, let me tell you, was not a quick and easy task.