Friday, May 11, 2007

It's the shoes

About five weeks ago I ordered a pair of shoes off the intermaweb. Note I said shoes, not trainers: shoes. Rather posh shoes, too. I thought I'd try to add a dash of suave to my feet, you see.

I usually try not to buy footwear off the web unless they're a new pair of trainers from a brand I know I take a size eight in, because I think they're the sort of thing that you really need to try on, unlike, say, a t-shirt. Or some pants. But I decided to take the plunge with these shoes because they looked awesome, and were reasonably priced (which was important because I figured I'd probably tire of wearing shoes and revert to trainers after a couple of weeks of trying to look smart and sophisticated).

Anyway, long story short: they got lost in the post. And then I had to wait about two weeks before I could declare them officially lost. Or, most likely, stolen by some chavvy postman.

The situation was resolved this week, and finally, long after the guaranteed 1-3 days delivery schedule, they turned up. Yay! Excitedly I ripped open the packaging and whipped the lid off the box and there they were and they looked-

Um…

Really freakin' pointy and massive.

A little aside here: I don't like pointy shoes. I think they look weird. And these hadn't looked terribly pointy on the intermaweb. I'll try them on, I thought - I bet they'll look awesome on my feet.

They didn't look awesome on my feet. They looked like massive pointy lady shoes.

So I took them off, put them back in the box, packaged it back up, and put them back in the post (recorded delivery, mind). And I'd waited over a month for these?! Bad times.

If I EVER say I'm thinking about buying some shoes of the internet again that are anything other then Etnies trainers, please remind me not to. Perhaps the only amusing thing to come out of the whole affair is the fact that somewhere out there, there is a chavvy, thieving postal worker who has feet that look like they belong to a cross-dressing clown.

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I've noticed recently that there's a lot of songs on the radio that have swears in them that the radio station need to cut out when they play them on daytime shows. The most apparent to me has been Jamie T's 'Sheila,' which is a song I love, and which has two cut swears very close together:
"well done jack, glug down that cider,
your right she's a slut
and you never f**king liked her"
Great lyrics, huh? Anyway, I've begun entertaining myself during the day (usually in the afternoon when I'm a tad giddy) by filling in the blanks whenever the song is played. I literally just sit there and pipe up with two random words, like 'potato,' and 'bleeping.' It keeps me happy.

Anyone got any better suggestions?

Talking of 'Sheila,' it's been re-released but they've filmed a different video - with Bob Hoskins of all people! Here they both are.



As much of a coup as it to get Bob Hoskins to do a music video, I think I prefer the first one; it has monkeys in it!

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What is it with teenagers trying to sound all hip and street these days? I bought some milk in Tesco on the way home tonight, and the guy who served me at the till, who was clearly a young, white, middle-class kid, looked at me and said "Dat'll be wah poun six-tee" while jigging away behind the counter like an incontinent hippity-hoppity star.

I looked him straight in the eye and was this close to saying "dude, this is Richmond-Upon-Thames. That is *so* not your accent," but I really couldn't be bothered, because by that time he'd begun struggling to work out what combination of coins he should give me for my change - and that, let me tell you, was not a quick and easy task.

13 comments:

T-Bird said...

Good heavens you boys! Blue blooded murder of the English tongue.

He sounds like he has a mouth full of marshmallows! But how cute are those monkeys?

T-Bird said...

Oh geez! I just watched the Bob Hoskins one...

He looks like my Dad with no hair.

T-Bird said...

And that last bit just made me cry then... I had no idea where the film clip was going with him being all sad.

Tim said...

They're monkeys - it goes without saying! (Until they turn around and you see their big pink bottoms. What is it with monkey-bums anyway? They look like they're falling out!)

I *really* wanted to see Bob Hoskins lip-sync "I say giggidibidup just another da-ay."

Tim said...

It took me a bit by surprise too. You don't really expect Bob Hoskins to get all emotional - you expect him to pick Roger Rabbit up by the ears and shout a bit.

Dinah said...

I don't like pointy shoes, either - for men or women. I think because of the association with the wizard of Oz.

Things getting lost in the mail is so yucky. And rarely worth the wait.

Tara said...

Pointy toes look good on some shoes, but I don't like them on boots. I feel like I should just hop on a broomstick and fly off cackling like a witch. That stinks about the bad shoes! I'm sure we'll help you remind you not to gamble with shoe purchasing online again.

On a side note, I just saw "Spiderman 3"..It wasn't bad, but I agree with you about some of the bad dialogue, the butler's lack of timely info and there was definitely not enough Venom. I loved that guy. Oh and I liked the dark and disturbed Peter Parker except when he was cheesy.

Tim said...

Dinah - I'd not thought of that! I'm glad I sent them back now!!

It's funny, I think this is the first (and hopefully last) time I've had something get lost in the post from the intermeweb - and then I have to send it back! Bah!

Tara - I think it'll be a long time before I gamble on internet shoes again! once burned… something, something!

Do you see what I mean about Spidey? It's not a bad film - it just doesn't have the same sense of awesomeness as the first two. It's almost like they were a little too exhausted from the 1 and 2 and didn't quite feel like putting the same effort in.

That scene where he's dancing in the street made me laugh hysterically - though I'm not sure for the right reasons…

Inexplicable DeVice said...

I so want to like pointy shoes, but you're right. Cross-dressing clown shoes they most certainly are.
I've been looking and looking and looking for a pair of stylish, comfortable shoes, but are there any to be found anywhere?

No.

Except for one pair I saw the other day in Sole. And they were a size too small and the last ones in stock because they were in the sale.

I might have to resort to the intermaweb...

skillz said...

Jamie T and his ilk are shite. I hate these so called singers who talk in songs rather than singing. At least rappers (old skool ones anyway) had some skill when they were spitting out rhymes.

As for the supermarket checkout guy, argh, pet hate!! We have the same thing here, I have no idea why; I hardly live in da gheTToh, I live in middle class delerium.

Seriously, I wish they would just f*ck the f*ck off.

Tim said...

Inexplicable Device - Same problem here; I really want a pair of smart shoes - at the moment I have a choice between scruufy boots or various trainers! I want the option of smart feet!

If you find anything decent point me in their direction.

Skillz - After ranting about Tesco boy, I sheepishly admit to liking Jamie T - but he is the exception rather than the rule.

You should try banging out some chooons - 'I wish they would just f*ck the f*ck off' is a pretty good lyric!

Inexplicable DeVice said...

* humming away to oneself while perusing the intermaweb: "mmmmMMMmmm... I wish they would just f*ck the f*ck off... MMmmmm... f*ck off..." *

Tim said...

See - it's a hit already!

Soon all the kids'll be singing it!!!