Tuesday, May 15, 2007

Someone's got a moral dilemma

OK, so I've got a … friend who is in the midst of quite a dilemma and is thinking that he needs some advice.

My … friend, you see, has been seeing a lady for a while now, but he has, by his own admission, decided to act a little bit childishly. Before you judge, er, him, let me explain why (for him).

Basically, my … friend feels that he's putting all the effort in. He is always the one to ask her out, he always picks her up, he always choses where they go, and he always has to pay for everything; she refuses to do any of those things. He's generally more than happy to play the gentleman whenever it's expected of him, but what he's being childish about is the fact that she never asks him if he wants to do something; never even asks if he's free, or says that she'd like to see him. If he doesn't ask, all he gets is a text on a Sunday morning that sort of feels like it's intented to make him feel a smidgeon guilty for not asking if she wanted to do something Saturday night.

Part of him thinks it's a cultural thing, because she's from somewhere south of Mexico or thereabouts, but the other part of him would at least like to see some effort come from her side, because although he's a serious chiselled hunk who constantly has to turn down offers for modelling work, he does have a warm fuzzy side and he thinks it may be feeling a tad neglected.

Everyone wants to be wanted, right?

Anyway, my … friend was wondering what other people might think about his situation. In the meantime he'll be sitting at home playing his Xbox (I expect).



Tara said...

Well tell your chiselled hunk friend that if he's very frustrated about the situation, that he should have a sit-down chat with the girl and tell her how he feels. I'm saying this as if I've tried it before, and as if it's so easy to do this, but I really haven't. But I feel that your...friend...wants to work things out, so one more try and then he might consider breaking it off or something like that. I wish your...friend best wishes.

Inexplicable DeVice said...

Personally, I think your 'friend' should be rid of her, then take a trip to the Dark Side and have a long distance dalliance with a certain witch that I'm acquainted with.

Failing that, however, I must agree with Tara. This ladyfriend must be made aware of the consequences of her lack of effort. If your 'friend' really likes her and can imagine a future together (not necessarily long-term, married, 2.4 kids etc) then he should talk to her.
If he doesn't think there's much in it and, let's face it, he could probably have his pick of anyone, he should let her go so he can find happiness with someone else.

Quite why this lady isn't making an effort with this serious chiselled hunk with well defined thighs and muscular buttocks (I imagine?), is beyond me.

Tim said...

Tara - Good advice, I'll, er, pass it along! The thing is, I think my … friend gets the impression that she doesn't think anything is wrong, and that if he suggests there's a problem he might get turned into the bad guy.

He's been burnt a few times before!

Inexplicable Device - Do you mean Kathy Najimy from the 1993 movie Hocus Pocus!?

Um, I don't think he sees a massive long term future. He probably hasn't thought about it too much, to be honest. I'd need to, er, ask him.

Are you creating a mental image of my friend!? If you are, well, you're doing quite well!

Tara said...

Tell your friend to tell his girlfriend that, he enjoys being with her but he wants to work on the communication angle so they can see eye to eye. Maybe once she sees he's trying to work on the relationship rather than end it, he won't seem like the "bad guy" which he most certainly is not. He's a good guy! Then he can tell her what's been on his mind.

Inexplicable DeVice said...

And then, if she does turn him into the Bad Guy, she's obviously being unreasonable. But she may need a day or two to think about her unreasonableness before coming around.

And no, I didn't mean Kathy Najimy, as fun as she is... ;)

Tim said...

Tara - Are you a relationship councilor? If not, have you thought about it?

Inexplicable Device - Would she need to sit on the naughty step? For a day or two? That's EXTREME Supernanny!

You can tell Kathy Najimy is fun just by her wacky name!

Inexplicable DeVice said...

Not just on the Naughty Step, but she can sprawl all over the Naughty Stairs!

A Cats Eye View On the World said...

You need to become an asshole. I swear we love that!!

Tara said...

I'm not a relationship councilor, but I play one on the internet.

Well whatever your friend decides to do, I hope everything works out!

skillz said...

Tell your mate to dump her chump ass ASAP and go out with the nearest floozie available. Talking things through is for commies, and if he doesn't believe in our beautiful liberal democracy that is Britland, then he must be fired from a cannon into the middle of the Gohabi desert.

iPandah said...

I agree with Tara also.

Personally though, I would just tell her, and if she took it the wrong way and got weird, I'd consider it a lesson learned. I don't agree with the whole mind games thing, just get her told! Er, get your 'friend' to get her told! She can't expect a young studmuffin of this calibre to put up with faffing around and advantage taking antics.

Plus, I've heard Mexican ladies are hairy. In the wrong places.

Dinah said...

I love Kathy Najimy, even though my mom calls her Kathy Nameemee for some reason.

I hope your...friend is doing better now.

Tim said...

IDV - Sprawling on the steps, eh? Now we're talking...

Cat's Eye View on the World - Hello! Really? I mean, my friend said "really?" when I told him. Um... I don't think he could do that - he'd probably experience all kinds of guilt if he tried. Treat 'em mean to keep 'em keen, huh?

Tara - I think you've hit a new career!

Skillz - Um, that's all kinds of harsh, man! Are you sure? The floozie idea does sound quite delightful though. Send in the floozies!

iPandah - I hate mind games too. Unless they're being played by a big-brained alien, like a Talosian or something. Sound advice though, ta!

And I've been told she's not actually Mexican - keep going south...!

Inexplicable said...

Brazil?! Argentina?! Uraguay?!

Heh! U R Gay!

I'm coming around to Skillz way of thinking.

* dresses like a floozie and starts hanging around the windowsill again *

Inexplicable said...

Huh? Where'd the DeVice bit go?

Tim said...

Dinah - Sorry, I wasn't ignoring you there! You seem to have nipped in while I was commentatiting!!

I see to remember liking Kathy Nameemee too. She looked like fun! And don't worry about my friend - he's got the emotional fortitude of a house brick. Rawr!

Inexplicable - Oh, everyone's a Simpsons fan now, are they?! Skillz never dressed like a floozie and started hanging around my window. And one of your falsies is hanging low, sort it out.

Ha ha ha - your device has dropped off!!!!


T-Bird said...

Skillz is definitely more along my line of thinking. But I am guessing that your friend is more mature than I am and is quite capable of talking it through. I would be tempted to never call someone like that again.

And take it from a faux latina. We don't expect that (boys paying, etc) all the time. Although I am only a watered down import, maybe she has the full set of genes. I usually give up a pretend fight on the first date, then insist on taking it turn about. It's all about basic decency.

My take on this as a girl is that she is being rude. If she was a boy, would you expect this same sort of behaviour? If she was your friend even? People in romantic relationships are supposed to be besties and equals.

Is your friend feeling like a treasure equal, as he should? If you think it's worth hashing out with her, do it. Just think, is this what you deserve?

Tim said...

No, my friend is pretty much a potty-mouthed immatur- um, serious chiselled hunk.


Well, there's no pretend fights, and subsequently my friend stumps up the cash. He's quite glad he hasn't taken her somewhere super-expensive yet, let me tell you!

I like your besties and equals theory. I mean my friend does. It certainly gives him something to consider. I would expect.

Inexplicable DeVice said...

* picks up dropped DeVice and re-attaches it *

Antarctica?! Perhaps that's the reason 'your friend's' ladyfriend doesn't pay for anything/doesn't make suggestions/doesn't text very often - She's a penguin: Can't talk, no pockets for money and has ungainly flippers which hinder texting.

skillz said...

IDV-DV: The 'hanging around the windowsill ' was good, but the 'again' was the icing on the cake!!!

Did you look anything like Eddie Hitler in drag from Bottom (with the backwards boobs and subtle lipstick)?



Tim said...

IDV - Note to friend: try not to p-p-p-p-p-pick up a penguin in future.

(Are you sure you got your device on the right way around? It looks a little odd from here...)

Skillz - You leave youtube links wherever the hell you want!

missy&chrissy said...

i think i'd rather like dating a penguin. he'd always be dressed up to take me to fancy dinners.

although the sardine breath would probably be hard to deal with...

but i agree with (almost) everyone else above -- your friend should talk to the girl about this. then if she still seems to take him for granted after they discuss it, give her the ol' boot! the seriously chiselled have no need to settle...

Tim said...

I think a penguin would be quite cool to date too. Happy Feet showed me that!

I shall pass that on to my friend - thanks!

Inexplicable DeVice said...

Skillz: Actually, the likeness was uncanny. Although my lippy was a little.. more so!

And keep leaving those YT links - You are a Master of Selection.

Tim: Heavens!

* claps hands over device *

How embarassing.

* hastily rearranges device *

There. Everything back to normal. La la la. No need to cause a scene. La la la etc etc...

Tim said...

Inexplicable Device - Do try to keep you device under control in future. Especially when you're hanging around outside the window.