Thursday, August 30, 2007

Fun time

As if you couldn't tell by the title of this post - it's fun time, bitches.

As you know, I do like a degree of interactivity with you guys, despite the fact that some of you are deviants and perverts. So let's have some fun. Are we all ready?

Right, there are two elements to fun time. Here is the first, which I like to call:

Text offender
Isn't it funny how you can look back through your text messages and not have the slightest clue what some of them mean when read out of context? Exactly that happened to me yesterday while I was deleting some sent messages. That being the case, the aim of this ridiculous game is to devise an amusing little story that will serve as a lead-in to a text message that I wrote.

And the text message that I wrote (that, truth be told, still baffles me a little) is:
"Ha! I remembered just as I got home! I'll stick with the shoe for the time being."
Seriously, don't ask me what that's all about, but I'd love to know what you think it's about…

Desperately seeking someone
Game number two was inspired by the speed-dating event I went to some years back where I met a number of emotionally scarred monsters. Ever since then, y'see, I've been sent emails listing 'girls in my area' (chance would be a fine thing). These emails reveal a small portion of the ladies' profile with the idea being that if you're intrigued by them you follow the link to the website. I never have, but I realised the other day that in their truncated form these profiles are ripe for abuse from shallow, horrifically offensive, and easily amused bloggers. So, with that in mind, and with all identities changed to protect the reasonably innocent, I ask you to finish this profile:
"I'm a bubbly type of girl, like to have a laugh and go places. I'm fed up being single and looking for someone for a relationship that could lead to more. I don't mind meeting people for fun either but..."
And although I'm protecting identities, I don't mind saying that for a lady on the wrong side of a nervous breakdown, she really needs to learn some freakin' punctuation. I won't share with you the corrections I had to make. Anyway, go wild and rude - I love it when you're dirty.

19 comments:

Inexplicable DeVice said...

Yay! First!

But wait... I'm a deviant and a pervert? I kind of expected one, so wasn't surprised when I happened to be the link for deviant. But both?!

My reputation lies in tatters!



OK, I'll get on with the compo now...

Inexplicable DeVice said...

Pre-text story: You were in Starbucks with a 'friend', and after spilling your grande misto over his (or her) jeans, you offered your arse for a spanking. After all, you had been a very naughty and clumsy boy!
After being spanked by hand, then a rolled up Star Trek magazine, followed by your shoe, you both decided that something a bit firmer would be best. Your 'friend' was going to go back to his (or her) Car and bring back a broom handle (that just happened to be in the boot [trunk to those across the pond]) to give that a try, but forgot.
He (or she) then sent a text: "Bugger. We forgot the broom handle spanking."

To which you replied: "Ha! I remembered just as I got home! I'll stick with the shoe for the time being."


There. How's that? I'll come back to finish the profile in a bit...

Tim said...

D'ya know, I was thinking I might just apologise for calling you a deviant AND a pervert, but then I read your answer for Text offender, and by god you deserve it! Filth!!

I dread to think what's coming next…!

iPandah said...

Hmm, I'm lacking in the sort of inspiration that clearly comes so easily to IDV, so I thought I might just go for out and out filth.

Desperately seeking someone:

"....I don't mind meeting people for fun either but I'm probably going to stop offering anal sex on the first date cos it's doesn't seem to be helping me in my quest to meet Mr Right and I've done it so much now that there'd be no point, it'd be like a hotdog up a hallway, no tread left on the tyres and all that. Oh, I also love reading Heat magazine and lightly salted Doritos."

I tried to adopt her poor attitude to punctuation but I just couldn't stop myself throwing in the odd , - though I don't suppose it was immediately obvious amongst the disgustingness.

iP - Potty mouth

Tim said...

Oh iPandah, how lovely it is to have you back!!!

Bravo!!!!

iPandah said...

Hey, illness might stop me from doing most things, but my dirty mind always fights its way through.

Willow said...

Well it's obvious to me: the sock proposed and left him to think about it.

Tim said...

You're obsessed with the sock.

Willow said...

I just think it's romantic, that's all.

Tim said...

So do some teenage boys.

Willow said...

sock proposals? Or testicular disguises?

Tim said...

Whatever works for them. Rawr!

skillz said...

"I'm a bubbly type of girl, like to have a laugh"

Bubbly = fat

skillz said...

Actually, so does curvy, vivacious, fun-loving, funny, intelligent... I could go on.

Tim said...

So you should be looking out for 'dull and unintelligent' ladies?

Intriguing theory!

Inexplicable DeVice said...

Not that such things concern me, but Skillz is so right..

Inexplicable DeVice said...

"I'm a bubbly type of girl, like to have a laugh and go places. I'm fed up being single and looking for someone for a relationship that could lead to more. I don't mind meeting people for fun either but..." "...I'm so monstrously obese that 'fun' turns out to be that I'm treated as a bouncy castle. I'd like to go somewhere other than a village fete, or school party. Needless to say, I don't need to be rolled back into the sea or put on display at SeaWorld™. I'm a human being! I have feelings and needs -

Ooh! Is that cake?!"

Dinah said...

All of those things totally mean fat.

"I'm a bubbly type of girl, like to have a laugh and go places. I'm fed up being single and looking for someone for a relationship that could lead to more. I don't mind meeting people for fun either but I'm getting into my 30s and I need to stop fucking around. Let's be honest - I'm not getting any younger and neither are you. I'm not trying to be mean, but hey, that's nature, right? I've tried everything I could think of to look younger, but hahaha! You should see some of the looks I get walking around with some of those goopy masks, or asking for Virgin's blood at the local health food store. I'll bet you have some stories of your own! Which is why we'd be great together - call me!"

Tim said...

I love the way we're all tarnishing this woman as a desperate slut. Good times!