Wednesday, November 05, 2008

Christmas shopping: FAIL

Christmas shopping, huh? Yeah, that went well.


So, I was up stupidly early, wrapping my left foot (not the Academy Award winning Daniel Day Lewis film) in plasters to protect the slowly-healing blisters in anticipation of a day of epic shopping, and over to pick up Sparky Ma so ridiculously early that she was still getting ready. That being the case, I spent 15 minutes chatting to Sparky Pa, thinking that I might try to glean some idea of what he might want for Christmas, but actually ending up talking about books and decorating, so at the moment he's getting either a book or some paint.

We hit Kingston at bang-on 10am, and headed for our traditional pre-shop strategy planning in Starbucks. Based on the fact that Starbucks' Christmas decoration were up from today, and it's red cups all the way from here on in, baby, we were pretty inspired. Our strategy was quite simply 'go in some shops, buy some stuff,' which suited us fine. And so we began.

Well, Sparky Ma did. I goaded her into buying a snowman Christmas tree decoration where you pull a string and it's arms and legs fly-up and down because it made me laugh like a speshul, but that was the limit of my extravagance. Sparky Ma was not happy; she looked at me disapprovingly on several occasions when she thought I might reach for my wallet and I actually didn't.

Fortunately things kicked up a notch when we hit the high street and I told her in no uncertain terms that I was going to Topman to buy the winning t-shirt in the 'vote for Tim's t-shirt not-quite-a-competition-but-fun-nonetheless' thingy. I think we might've high-fived at the prospect of me splashing the cash.

And here's where the 'but' comes in.

At this point, Marcosy is probably expecting me to say "but they didn't have my size." Unfortunately, it didn't even get that far - because they didn't actually have the winning t-shirt. Or the runner up. Or the freakin' loser. About the only t-shirts they did have were a Superman one distressingly similar to the Superman one I already have, and a lame one that makes you look like a massive head on Popeye's body. I "harumphed" and left the store. Suffice to say, there's still time to vote, people; I shall now be making the winning purchase next week when I'm back at work because I know Westfield's Topman has all of them in stock.

An aside:

Next has an interesting window display for the impending festive season: little girl being simultaneously mauled and dry-humped by polar bears.

Look closely and you'll get a little tease of my new haircut in the reflection.

After that we browsed round a few more shops, in which Sparky Ma made more purchases, then hit Nandos for a big fat lunch because I was starving and a little dizzy from not having spent any money. Fortunately, like Popeye knocking back some spinach, the Nandos seemed to do the trick. Unfortunately (for everyone else), aside from some wrapping paper, tags, and Christmas cards, my purchases consisted solely of things for me.

Let's inventory:

• Black jumper
• Jeans
• Green jumper
• 2008 Christmas Starbucks mug
• Some soap
• A pen that writes in brown

I'm now going to go a little more in-depth on my purchases:

The black jumper and jeans were in a 'buy two for £30' deal which was an amazing steal (even more so if I'd shoplifted them). Seriously, a pair of jeans for 15 quids? I've got undercrackers that cost more than that. They're very cool - a light blue wash with distressed patches (that's the jeans I'm describing, not my undercrackers). The jumper is your standard black v-neck, but very nice nonetheless. The green jumper was a totally spontaneous buy because the canny people in the shop had whacked a sale rack alongside the till and it was only a tenner; I figured even if I got home and hated it, a tenner for a jumper is a bargain, particularly with all the credit-crunchy nonsense going on. Fortunately, I think it's reasonably awesome. Isn't 'Credit Crunch' a great name for a breakfast cereal?

The mug … well, I've got a bit of a thing for Starbucks seasonal mugs, and this is my third. Plus they gave me a free sample of Christmas blend. Lordy, I do love the Christmas blend.

I perched these on my sofa for more of a coffee shop type ambience.

The soap is pretty self explanatory. I needed some soap so I bought some. I got some Honey I Washed the Kids from Lush because it smells nice and makes my skin look good (which is possibly the most metrosexual thing I've ever said). Interestingly, after I'd paid and as the guy at the till was putting it in a bag, he paused and asked me if the price was alright. I instantly said "yes," because quite frankly if it wasn't I wouldn't have bought it, then thought that I should've said "no" and tried to wangle a discount or something.

An aside:

The Lush soap I'm finishing up at the moment is interesting to say the least. It's called Porridge and has oats in it. Lots of oats. And it makes my sink filthy. Seriously, if I'd known it was going to be so messy and bitty I probably wouldn't have got it, because it adds at least two minutes to my morning routine as I try to clean the sink and pick the oats out of my ears and nose. I might as well just slam my face in a bowl of real porridge and be done with.

And finally we come to the pen. I didn't need a new pen, it's just that I don't think I've ever seen a writing pen that writes in brown, and it sufficiently intrigued me enough to warrant a purchase. So now I have a brown pen. It makes it look like an ant with diarrhea ran across the page.


All in all, then, a successful shopping expedition (for me). And it has given me some ideas of what to get other people for Christmas so I don't feel at all too bad about not actually buying any presents. 

Right, off to watch today's Gilmore Girls now. Apparently it made Willowc cry, so I might take a few minutes to erect* my manly defenses beforehand.

*You at the back - stop laughing. Tut.


Tara said...

We have a Westfield shopping center around these parts too. In my city, as a matter of fact! Isn't that fascinating?

And now you've tainted me from buying pens with brown ink, because I'll think of ants with diarrhea.

Anonymous said...

It was a stupendous Gilmore Girls! You. Will. Love. It! You might get this twice – oops! Rudegirl!

WillowC said...

It did make me cry, it was the best Gilmore Girls episode ever!

I expect a text in the morning to confirm you had a sniffle.

Dinah said...

What episode was it?

I am so excited by your Christmas mug. I have to do some shopping - maybe when my strength is back up. But I have been doing online, so dangerous.

CyberPete said...

A pen that writes brown? AWESOME! I've never seen
One either.

What happens in this most famed episode of Gilmore Girls? I cry at the lot

Inexplicable DeVice said...

* I wasn't laughing. I was gasping in anticipation.

Yay! Two asides in one post - You are really spoiling us. Or just me, as no one else seems to have mentioned them.
Wow. Your hair is short - When do we get to see it in all its glory?

"it smells nice and makes my skin look good" - Oh, I think you'll find you've said far more metrosexual things than that. No wait, those other things you've said have been totally gay. You might see what I mean on Monday.

watch*paint*dry said...

*still laughing at the window display*

I covet your Starbucks mug and i am craving a Nandos. Oooh Nandos.

Does the brown ink looked like dried blood?

T-Bird said...

Wang. That is all.

You made my year.

Oh, and oatmeal is supposed to be superb for skin. Although, according to Playing Beattie Bow(which we read in highschool) people used to put it in muslin bags so it wouldn't get all over their faces.

So apparantly wang wasn't all I had to say.

Tim said...

Tara - We should try to get them twinned like towns! They could have big signs at the doors saying 'this Westfield shopping centre is twinned with one in …' That would be cool! I might have a word with the concierge next time I'm there.

Oh, and you should totally get a brown pen - it's so unique! And chocolatey!!

Anonymous Rudegirl - It was awesome!

Willowc - It was awesome (as they all are), but best episode ever? Naaaah. Oh, and are you sure you didn't have something in your eye? I didn't feel the need to cry at all.

Dinah - It was the one where Rory decides to quit Yale and Lorelai asks Luke to marry her!

And there's nothing like a Christmas mug to bring back your strength and bring on that Christmassy feeling!

Cyberpete - A pen. That. Writes. Brown. It is totally awesome. I highly recommend them. You cry at the all the Gilmore Girls? Are you sure you're just not allergic to them?

Inexplicable Device - I like my asides - they're the closest thing to a Family Guy-style aside that I can do in writing! Yes my hair is short, but you'll have to wait for an appropriate time to see it. I'm not just going to post it for any old reason.

Monday? What's happening Monday? It's just a Monday - nothing special.

Watch*Paint*Dry - Buy a Starbucks mug! It's not like there's not plenty in your area! I have five now!

The ink doesn't look like dried blood … more like chocolate. I've been licking pages. Unfortunately it doesn't taste like chocolate.

*ink breath*

T-Bird - As Homer Simpson said: "The human wang is a wonderful thing."

Good lord - those children are stuck in a glass dome! It looks like the bottle city of Kandor in Superman!! Someone let them out before they suffocate or crush the tiny Kryptonians!!

So you're saying I should basically put my soap in a bag? I've only got plastic ones - will they do?

Inexplicable DeVice said...

* simmers in barely contained jealousy *

I hear some wang-age has been perpetrated. Don't make me come down there...

missy&chrissy. said...

that was one major shopping trip! glad it was such a success. probably not too surprising, our favorite part of it was the photo of the girl with the polar bears - Bear had no idea that his British polar cousins were so much fun! he's already packing his bags to go visit them.

CyberPete said...

No, it's not just a sniffle, it's full blown bawling. Especially when Lorelai... sorry I'm not sure if you've gotten that far yet.

It's not just the sad stuff, I cry at the happy stuff too. I also laugh when I think something is funny.

Having Paul Anka, Christiana Ammenpour and Madeline Albright gives the show a lot of oomph!

Free Discount Coupons said...

I am also very excited for my christmas shopping so i got a site its offering Free Discount Coupons on Christmas shopping so i think now we don't have need to worried about money consume even its great place for money saving

T-Bird said...

I always worry about money consume. On the other hand, money saving is a bonus.

Unfortunately, I once clicked on some strange coupons and can't get rid of this burning sensation...

CyberPete said...

So T-Birdy those 30% off condoms forced you to swing by the doctor?

Tim said...

Inexplicable Device - OK, I won't. Stay where you are.

Missy&Chrissy - I'm sure Bear would have an amazing time with his British polar cousins! There's plenty of plastic children they could maul - they could run amok in the big new Westfield shopping centre!

Cyberpete - Wow, you really run the Gilmore gamut of emotions, don't ya?

Free Discount Coupons - Um, yes. Thanks.

T-Bird - I'm glad I'm not the only one worrying about money consume. Let's all money saving!

Cyberpete - Would they be the ones that are open at both ends?

CyberPete said...

Probably, they saved the rubber at the tip.

They had to cut costs somewhere.

Word verification: Sooke

Tim said...

Yes, made it into a nice hat or something.

Sooke?! That's a Gilmore reference!

CyberPete said...

Exactly! It's all about using everything.

What were the odds of that. I doubt many would have got it though.

Tim said...

You and I got it, and that was enough.

CyberPete said...

By the way, one of my favorite episodes of Gilmore Girls is "I'm a kayak hear me roar".

T-Bird said...

What? Condoms?

Discount coupons sent me a roll of cling film with 'ConDOms' written over the packing in biro.

I certainly am concerned about money consume now. I will not be money saving at the doctor.

I guess that goes to show you should not be money scrooge to be money saving. Otherwise you will be money wasting on bad jokings. Super number one!

Tim said...

That's just money sensical, people.

Tim said...

Cyberpete - Good lord, sorry, I wasn't ignoring you there. I don't know the episodes by their names - I'll have to go look that one up!

CyberPete said...

I don't either but because the episode is really good it just stuck with me.

Driving Mrs Gilmore is hilarious - and that concludes the list of titles I know

Tim said...

I just saw the one where Lorelai buys the dog (Paul Anka), and it locks itself in her jeep.