Christmas shopping: FAIL

Christmas shopping, huh? Yeah, that went well.

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So, I was up stupidly early, wrapping my left foot (not the Academy Award winning Daniel Day Lewis film) in plasters to protect the slowly-healing blisters in anticipation of a day of epic shopping, and over to pick up Sparky Ma so ridiculously early that she was still getting ready. That being the case, I spent 15 minutes chatting to Sparky Pa, thinking that I might try to glean some idea of what he might want for Christmas, but actually ending up talking about books and decorating, so at the moment he's getting either a book or some paint.

We hit Kingston at bang-on 10am, and headed for our traditional pre-shop strategy planning in Starbucks. Based on the fact that Starbucks' Christmas decoration were up from today, and it's red cups all the way from here on in, baby, we were pretty inspired. Our strategy was quite simply 'go in some shops, buy some stuff,' which suited us fine. And so we began.

Well, Sparky Ma did. I goaded her into buying a snowman Christmas tree decoration where you pull a string and it's arms and legs fly-up and down because it made me laugh like a speshul, but that was the limit of my extravagance. Sparky Ma was not happy; she looked at me disapprovingly on several occasions when she thought I might reach for my wallet and I actually didn't.

Fortunately things kicked up a notch when we hit the high street and I told her in no uncertain terms that I was going to Topman to buy the winning t-shirt in the 'vote for Tim's t-shirt not-quite-a-competition-but-fun-nonetheless' thingy. I think we might've high-fived at the prospect of me splashing the cash.

And here's where the 'but' comes in.

At this point, Marcosy is probably expecting me to say "but they didn't have my size." Unfortunately, it didn't even get that far - because they didn't actually have the winning t-shirt. Or the runner up. Or the freakin' loser. About the only t-shirts they did have were a Superman one distressingly similar to the Superman one I already have, and a lame one that makes you look like a massive head on Popeye's body. I "harumphed" and left the store. Suffice to say, there's still time to vote, people; I shall now be making the winning purchase next week when I'm back at work because I know Westfield's Topman has all of them in stock.

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An aside:

Next has an interesting window display for the impending festive season: little girl being simultaneously mauled and dry-humped by polar bears.

Look closely and you'll get a little tease of my new haircut in the reflection.

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After that we browsed round a few more shops, in which Sparky Ma made more purchases, then hit Nandos for a big fat lunch because I was starving and a little dizzy from not having spent any money. Fortunately, like Popeye knocking back some spinach, the Nandos seemed to do the trick. Unfortunately (for everyone else), aside from some wrapping paper, tags, and Christmas cards, my purchases consisted solely of things for me.

Let's inventory:

• Black jumper

• Jeans

• Green jumper

• 2008 Christmas Starbucks mug

• Some soap

• A pen that writes in brown

I'm now going to go a little more in-depth on my purchases:

The black jumper and jeans were in a 'buy two for £30' deal which was an amazing steal (even more so if I'd shoplifted them). Seriously, a pair of jeans for 15 quids? I've got undercrackers that cost more than that. They're very cool - a light blue wash with distressed patches (that's the jeans I'm describing, not my undercrackers). The jumper is your standard black v-neck, but very nice nonetheless. The green jumper was a totally spontaneous buy because the canny people in the shop had whacked a sale rack alongside the till and it was only a tenner; I figured even if I got home and hated it, a tenner for a jumper is a bargain, particularly with all the credit-crunchy nonsense going on. Fortunately, I think it's reasonably awesome. Isn't 'Credit Crunch' a great name for a breakfast cereal?

The mug … well, I've got a bit of a thing for Starbucks seasonal mugs, and this is my third. Plus they gave me a free sample of Christmas blend. Lordy, I do love the Christmas blend.

I perched these on my sofa for more of a coffee shop type ambience.

The soap is pretty self explanatory. I needed some soap so I bought some. I got some Honey I Washed the Kids from Lush because it smells nice and makes my skin look good (which is possibly the most metrosexual thing I've ever said). Interestingly, after I'd paid and as the guy at the till was putting it in a bag, he paused and asked me if the price was alright. I instantly said "yes," because quite frankly if it wasn't I wouldn't have bought it, then thought that I should've said "no" and tried to wangle a discount or something.

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An aside:

The Lush soap I'm finishing up at the moment is interesting to say the least. It's called Porridge and has oats in it. Lots of oats. And it makes my sink filthy. Seriously, if I'd known it was going to be so messy and bitty I probably wouldn't have got it, because it adds at least two minutes to my morning routine as I try to clean the sink and pick the oats out of my ears and nose. I might as well just slam my face in a bowl of real porridge and be done with.

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And finally we come to the pen. I didn't need a new pen, it's just that I don't think I've ever seen a writing pen that writes in brown, and it sufficiently intrigued me enough to warrant a purchase. So now I have a brown pen. It makes it look like an ant with diarrhea ran across the page.

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All in all, then, a successful shopping expedition (for me). And it has given me some ideas of what to get other people for Christmas so I don't feel at all too bad about not actually buying any presents. 

Right, off to watch today's Gilmore Girls now. Apparently it made Willowc cry, so I might take a few minutes to erect* my manly defenses beforehand.

*You at the back - stop laughing. Tut.