Monday, November 24, 2008

Cheeky tramp

As usual, Yazzle Dazzle and I rocked up to Secret Starbucks at lunchtime today. What was not usual was the diminutive Peaches Geldof look-alike, with disheveled hair, trampy tracksuit bottoms, and a school blazer, who blatently pushed in in front of us in the queue. After a few seconds of standing there, and perhaps as a consequence of the laser vision boring into the back of her head courtesy of Yazzle and I, she turned round and in a posh-kid-pretending-to-be-street manner gushed "oh sorry, were you here?"

Yazzle glared at her and said "don't worry, you go first. Life's too short."

The wench turned round, picked up a juice drink, and waved it in the face of lovely barista lady.

"I'm just having this," she shouted in a 'DO YOU SPEAK ENGLISH' stylee. 

"That'll be £1.85," said lovely barista lady.

The wench rifled through her purse, eventually pulling out a 10 pound note, a 20 pound note, and a handful of change.

"I only have £1.50 in change, and I don't want to break into these notes. Will you take that?"

Lovely barista lady stared at her, then glanced over at me. I burst out laughing. Yazzle tutted audibly. 

"No," said lovely barista lady. "It's £1.85."

The wench tutted, and handed over the tenner. 

After taking her change and walking off in a huff, lovely barista lady turned to Yazzle and I. 

"Bloody cheek," said Yazzle. "I hope she's planning to break that tenner on a hairbrush. God knows she needs it."

We all laughed. And then I pointed out that the little troll was actually sitting down just behind us. We laughed again, and she got up and left.

Good times. 


Inexplicable DeVice said...

Yay First!

It wasn't that dreadful scruffy girl from X-Factor, was it? I can't believe her mum lets her go out like that.

Not that I watch it, of course.

CyberPete said...

The bloody cheek!

I love talking about people like that within their ear range

T-Bird said...

Since when did coffee shops become bartering economies?

Tim said...

Inexplicable Device - I don't know, I'm not common enough to watch X-Factor.

Cyberpete - I know!

T-Bird - Exactly! Only I'm allowed discounted beverages in there!

T-Bird said...

I hate little scruffy people with a lack of common sense. A pox on them, I say!

You should have left a mess all over her tracksuit. That would have learned her.

CyberPete said...

How could she even ask. I can't believe it.

Then again, you mentioned her ratty hair and tracksuit bottoms.

watch*paint*dry said...

Yaz should become stern doorpeep and glare at all the riff-raff so they don't pollute Sacred Secret Starbucks.

Inexplicable DeVice said...

I don't watch the X-Factor - I just try and tune it out when SP is watching it.

* wonders what kind of 'mess' T-Bird is referring to *

T-Bird said...

Mwahahahaha! Actually, I was thinking of spilling and drinks. Any other sort of mess would be... awesome. But unfeasable. Right?

SP? GRRRR! What does it stand for? Sexy Peecat?

Inexplicable DeVice said...


Actually, I'd be very put out if Tim made a Man-Mess on the cruffy little oik.

Sexy Peecat? Bwah hah hah ha! I'm imagining Peecat in heels and a bit of lippy, now.

Which is wrong, wrong, WRONG!

* must get image out of mind *

Shit. WV is comences. Almost a real word.

Tara said...

What a weirdo! Well she gave you (and us) a good story, that's for sure!

Tim said...

T-Bird - I would've chucked my coffee on her, but, y'know, that would've been a waste of good coffee…

Cyberpete - I know: chav.

Watch*Paint*Dry - Have you seen her angry stare recently? DANGEROUS!

Inexplicable Device - Don't lie, we all know you love it.

T-Bird - Random mess? Like vomit, yeah? That's what you mean, right?

Inexplicable Device - DIRTY BOI! Stop imagining that! And stop thinking of slutty Peecat! JUST STOP THINKING!

Tara - You said it! She was rude, disheveled, and weird!

CyberPete said...

Whenever someone says "chav" I hear/read it with Cathrine Tates voice in my head.

watch*paint*dry said...

I know. It is terrifying and she keeps it up for so long. Could wither things it could.

Wv: Shargatt

Definitely something your sordid mind could work with!

Tim said...

Cyberpete - I think that's the law, actually…

Watch*Paint*Dry - She's like a diminutive Terminator.

My dirty mind? Why, W*P*D, you mistake me for somebody else, surely!

watch*paint*dry said...

Yes your dirty mind! And I am in no way being disrespectful of it, I am always in awe.

This word is much better, even I can manage some filth with it: stsuc

Tim said...

Me… dirty?

Madame, I think you mistake me for somebody else!

CyberPete said...

Thank goodness!

Wv: boathe (is that like to bathe - just with a boat?)