Thursday, December 20, 2007

Splish splash, I was takin' a bath

*Please note, this post will NOT feature any photographs or video clips*

OK, so I'll be honest with you: I've not been showering as much recently as I normally do. Whoa! Before you all turn your noses up in disgust and brand me stinky Tim or something, let me clarify - I've rediscovered the joys of a bath.

I used to enjoy a good long bath when I was a kid, but then when we got a shower for the first time it sort of fell out of favour. And by the time I was all growed up and there were four adults living under one roof, well, hot water became something of a precious commodity. But since becoming lord of my own manor anything goes. 

It was just after my birthday that I 'took the plunge' (ha ha, little joke there) because one of my old work colleagues gave me a bottle of bath oil that she'd made for me as a present and I thought it would be rude not to use it. So, one particularly chilly Sunday evening after a run I gave it a whirl. Good god! I know as a boy I shouldn't say something along the lines of "but it's soooo nice to pamper yourself every once in a while," but really, it actually is so nice to pamper yourself every once in a while. So, every Sunday post-run has kind of been bathtime, and since the oil ran out I've been dumping shower gel in the tub instead. Unfortunately, though, it doesn't froth up very well.

Which leads me to this week, where I stood in Sainsbury's with a trolley full of boy food carefully choosing which bubble bath to buy (I was going to go for the ocean spray one, but the jojoba one I bought just goes better with the décor of my bathroom). Shit, did I just say that? Anyway, there's a lot of choice these days; back when I was a kid it was Matey bubble bath or clear water; one or t'other. I was tempted by the Sainsbury's Basics bubble bath for all of about three seconds; it costs 38p for, like, two gallons, but it's pretty obvious that it's identical to the Sainbury's Basics detergent for dishes.

So, the other night I broke the Sunday rule and went for a Tuesday evening bath. Unfortunately, there were no instructions on the bubble bath about how much you should put in (seriously, the last time I had bubble bath I was about eight and Sparky Ma poured it in for me because she knew I'd probably drink it if left to my own devices); I wasn't about to call Sparky Ma and ask because she'd think I'm a retard, so how much is too much? A short, quick pour? A lengthy pour? Half of it? All of it? I didn't know, so I went for about as much as I thought I could conceivably get in my mouth (no, I didn't). It frothed up big style (in the tub, not my mouth). Pity I only had about 15 centimeters of water. Still, displacement is a wonderful thing.

Anyway, should I get some tubby toys? I used to have a blue plastic ocean liner that I bought on holiday in Wales years ago, but I think that got chucked out in the early 90s. What's hot to trot in the tubby toys department these days? Whatever it is, I intend on sinking it, fnar fnar!

22 comments:

Inexplicable DeVice said...

* sulks at lack of pictorial evidence *

Hmmph. Well, how about a rubber sea monster? Much more manly than a yellow rubber duck.

Or a submarine?

Good gods! What am I saying? Baths should be used for quiet contemplation.

Or writing the shopping list or blog posts. I take in a notepad & pencil, glass of wine (or cup of coffee) and my mobile phone (for its clock facility, rather than call making facility) so I can see how long I've been wallowing for.

Tara said...

You should get an inflatable bath pillow to suction to the back of the tub so you can rest your head on it while basking in the bubbly goodness of a bath. Course you don't want to be too relaxed and slide under the water. But I think a bath pillow would be nice.

If you have a vivid imagination which I'm sure you do, you could just use what you have around, like extra bottles of shampoo or whatever and pretend they're people. That's what I used to do.

Tim said...

Inexplicable Device - Good god! You take that lot in the bath with you?! Anyway, I actually quite like the idea of a rubber duck - an iconic yellow one (why are they yellow?), or one of the new style ones in wacky colours.

In other matters - you mobile; does the cord stretch that far to reach the bath?

Tara - I could use an empty shampoo bottle full of water to squirt out the window at passersby! Top thinking!

missy&chrissy said...

i think you need some pirate ships to play with in the bath.

i also like the idea of a rubber sea monster. if you happen to find one of those, let us know where!

Tim said...

Ooo, pirate ships! And rubber sea monsters! Actually, I think I used to have a rubber sea monster. Well, it was more of a dinosaur, but, you know, same thing. I hitting Toys R Us in the January sales! Show me the tubby toys!

Inexplicable DeVice said...

Har. Har.

Tim said...

Every one's a winner!

WillowC said...

I agree with Tara, but don't do what I did and get a transparent one with stuff inside because water stains will make it minging after a week and a half!

You also have to have rubber ducks, it's the law.

Tim said...

I'd be quite intrigued to see some heinous-looking ecosystem develop within a bath pillow…

WillowC said...

Yeah but would you put your head on it?

Tim said...

For money? Yes.

Inexplicable DeVice said...

* wonders what Tim won't do for money *

Tim said...

To quote Meatloaf: "But I won't do THAT."

T-Bird said...

I advise taking it to the next level and visiting the Body Shop or Lush (I hope you guys have Lush) and getting matching bubbles, oils and bath bombs.

And I always, always do my hair treatment and read a book when I have my "me time" bath.

Baths are the best. And it's not solely a girl's domain, so don't think that at all!

WillowC said...

Of course we have Lush, it comes from here!

It was actually originally a teeny little shop called Cosmetics To Go that could only be found down the high street in my home town, near Poole Quay.

True fact!

Inexplicable DeVice said...

I like facts that are true.

But sometimes, facts that are enormous lies are just so much more entertaining!

Tim said...

T-Bird - I'm a bit of a sucker for Lush; I use their soap because it makes my skin so radiant! Might have t explore the bath department next time I'm in their!

Wilowc - We might have to rename you Wikic; you're the font of all knowledge!

Inexplicable Device - I like huge lies too, such as: £2.98? Yeah, go on then.

Inexplicable DeVice said...

* huff *

Remember that time at T-Bird's not so long ago, when you said this: "You sicken me. With your childlike spelling first and foremost, and your thinly-veiled references to slapping my tool second."?

Need I say more?

Tim said...

Yes, you do. I'm not quite with you.

Inexplicable DeVice said...

* sighhhh *

Read your comment above mine.

Tim said...

Damn.

Inexplicable DeVice said...

Mwah hah hah hah hah ha!!