Friday, December 07, 2007

Ask Tim!

OK! So, after an overwhelming* response to my request for questions, I thought I'd better damn well pull my finger out and post some bloomin' answers before you lot went kerrrrazy waiting.

Strap yourselves in peeps - here we go!

• The world-famous Willowc took time out from training to be a ninja assassin to ask this little gem:

"What's your most interesting mishap, by which I mean broken bones, bruises, sprains, or other numptyings?"

Hmmm, that's a good one!  Two incidents immediately come to mind**. Incident the first occurred while holidaying in Cornwall many, many years ago with the family. I must've been about eight or nine, and for some reason my brother and I were creating something out of rocks on the beach; I'd like to say we were helping build a new and revolutionary form of sea defense for the Cornish coast, but its quite possible we were just being boys and moving rocks around. Either way, Simon dropped a massive one on my left foot, leading to the toe nail turning black and eventually dropping off. I later took it into school for show-and-tell. Oh, and good news: a new one grew in its place - is that normal, or am I some kind of freaky X-Men-type mutant?

Incident the second also involved my left foot (the real thing, not the Daniel Day Lewis movie), and took place just a year or so after the toe nail incident. After a heavy snowfall, Sparky Pa, Simon, and I went tobogganing on the toboggan Sparky Pa built. For some reason we decided that it would be a genius idea to all get on it together and shoot down Box hill. Box hill is, I should add, rather steep, and has lots of bumps at the bottom.

Halfway down the hill, my left foot slipped off, and got caught under the sled. In response, I began screaming like I'd never screamed before; Sparky Pa and Simon were unaware of what had taken place, and merely thought I was having the time of my life. 

I couldn't walk on it for a week, and when we went to the hospital on the following Friday evening they wouldn't x-ray it because the x-ray department was closed at weekends. The ankle still clicks when I walk now.

And this just in! I banged my arse on the edge of a bookshelf in the office yesterday and now I have a massive bruise. Is that a health and safety issue?

• Delightful Dinah from far-off Canadialand took time out of holding back the forces of evil with the power of her mind, feeding the third world, and nursing a baby polar bear back to health to ask:

"What's one toy/game/item from your childhood that you would totally play with now if you had one?"

Hmmm… That's easy! My grandparents' Atari 2600 (which they still have, so I actually could still play it!), which was awesome - I could totally play Combat forever. I think it was the only video games console with real wood trim - classy!

• Terrific Tara from Americaland somehow managed to find a few spare minutes in her busy schedule where she wasn't off filming a new blockbuster movie with David 'The Hoff' Hasselhoff, or searching for a cure to the common cold to ask this: 

"Didn't you redo your bathroom a while back? Do a video scan of your sparkly bathroom."

Well, hell yes, I did indeed decorate my bathroom, Tara! Sparkly is probably the wrong word, though, as it does actually need a bit of a clean - but it's amazing what a low-resolution mobile phone camera won't pick-up in this day and age! Over to my sexy video assistant in the field!

I hope you enjoyed that, Tara - now back to the lab with you - that common cold ain't gonna cure itself!

Inexplicable Device, from a dingy bedsit on the wrong side of the North/South divide, stopped 'angling for business' on a street corner just long enough to pitch in. He has a lot of voices in his head, so actually ended up asking far more questions than everyone else. Combined.

First up:

"What is your favourite Star Trek (any series) episode, and why?"

Ooo, good question, and surprisingly not as difficult as you might imagine: I *love* 'Operation: Annihilate!' from the original series. There are several reasons why this episode ranks as my favourite; first and foremost, the original series has, is, and always will be my favourite Star Trek series. It's the one I was introduced to first, and you just can't beat the original cast. 'Operation: Annihilate!' is the first episode I remember seeing - I vividly recall the scene where the neural parasite swoops down and lands on Spock's back. It was scary, dramatic, and exciting, and I was hooked. I think it's a fine, underrated tale. And it's the only TOS episode with an exclamation mark in the title, which is deserving of kudos on its own.

But… I also love the Deep Space Nine episode 'Trials and Tribble-ations,' which celebrated Star Trek's 30th anniversary in 1996 by splicing the DS9 characters into the 1967 TOS episode 'The Trouble with Tribbles.' To be honest, I think this is the finest hour of Trek ever made; it combines everything the franchise stands for - humour, excitement, an engaging story, and adventure - into one episode, and puts a new spin on a familiar, classic story. It might be over 10 years old now, but I still think it's an amazing achievement.

So yeah, those are my favourites - 'Trials and Tribble-ations' is the best, but 'Operation: Annihilate!' is special to me.


"Relate an hilarious/disgusting food-based incident."

Hmmm… now, I'm actually going to combine this with IDV's third question, which is:

"Recount an amusing/horrific party incident."

Now, I'm not stupid***. I know IDV is just sitting there hoping I've got a story about a food fight in the same way that I might flick over to E4 in the hope that they might finally have bought the rights to the World-Wide Ladies Jelly Wrestling Federation, but sadly for him I'm going to disappoint.

I will however, share with you how, back in the days when I drank, I got so utterly wasted on Guinness at an 18th birthday party that I spilt a pint onto the vinyl (i.e. non-absorbent) seat on which I was sitting, but was too off my face to even worry about getting up, and thus spent a good portion of the party sitting in a massive pool of the black stuff.

How's that?

And finally:

"What kind of pants are you wearing?"

Trust IDV to ask this. While his request for a video-based response is quietly being ignored, I will share this:

On the day that he asked the question, I was wearing a pair of Ginch Gonch Big Bang briefs. And today? Calvin Klein Pro-Stretch trunks, baby! 

This is how I rock - this is how I roll!!

*And by 'overwhelming' I actually mean 'underwhelming'!

**Actually, they didn't. I wrote a whole other paragraph saying how I'd been quite lucky in not sustaining any silly injuries, then I remembered some. Does dementia count?

***See, appearances CAN be deceptive.


Tara said...

Great work with the eclectic mix of questions! And thank you so much for the bathroom scan! I like that shower head you had in there. Oh and your shampoos and stuff look like my sink. Your sink is clear of that stuff, but mine has girly stuff on it like a warming face was from Oil of Olay.

Oh and that tobogganing incident made me cringe.

Dinah said...

I really like the shelf that has your manly toiletries. Great video altogether, really.

And yay! I'm delightful.

Inexplicable DeVice said...

1. You left the toilet seat up.

2. Operation: Annihilate! was the ep that first introduced me to Star Trek, too! I was scared out of my 5 or 6 year old mind. For years afterwards, I thought that those neural parasites were the Klingons because they, well, clung on to people... Ummm...

And 3. Damnandblast! No naked writhing in trifle a la Take That in the Do What You Like video. Hmmph*.

P.S. I'm totally imagining you in those Big Bang briefs up here in my "dingy bedsit on the wrong side of the North/South divide".

Angling for business, indeed! I don't like fishing.

* I tried linking to it, but blogger wouldn't accept it - You'll have to find it on YouTube.

WillowC said...

I had that shower curtain. When I had a shower curtain, that is. It's quite mesmerising in the mornings, isn't it?

I am finding it heartwarming that my only major injury also involved breaking of a part of the left foot. We are crap injury twins.

Tim said...

Tara - As a boy, you'd think I wouldn't have many toiletries and stuff, but that's just a lie, made even worse by the fact that I usually buy two of everything so my bathroom is just jammed full!!

Dinah - You are delightful! That little shelf was only 15 quid from Argos - BARGAIN!

Inexplicable Device - 1. Of course I left the toilet seat up - I'm a boy! One day I'm going to see if I can pee from the doorway straight into the bowl.

2. Really? REALLY? Is this one of those things were people try to make imaginary links between them and other people? IS IT?! Like, I breath, and he breathes - we're SO alike!

3. Funnily enough I'm not terribly familiar with Take That's video back catalogue, nor am I too inclined to go check it out…

I bet you're imagining those pants… Dirty boy! I might go and burn them now.

Willowc - We're shower curtain twins! And, erm, what do you mean 'crap injury'?! I GOT MY FOOT CAUGHT UNDER A BLOODY SLED!

Inexplicable DeVice said...

1. Ah, domestic water sports - Let me know how that goes. Not!

2. No. Good job really. Take spelling, for instance...

3. I was so taken by the thought of trifle, that I went and posted that video. I see you've already seen it, though.

Actually, I didn't need to imagine the pants. I've seen some today - purely by chance.
And no, I'm not going to disclose who was wearing them at the time, or how I came to see them.

Dinah said...

I had a Star Trek themed dream last night, and I think it's because your blog was the last thing I read before I went to bed. I was somewhere, I don't even know if it was a starship or not, it probably was, and it got taken over by the Borg. And that part was really scary. But then when they took us, we were's in like, the borg cube, we had to stand on these platforms in the middle of a field while they hit us and taunted us and were basically just really mean to us. Then I was sent with my human slave guide to go shovel coal into this big incinerator-type thing that you needed numbers to get the code to. And apparently that's why they stole humans, because they can't compute decimal numbers. Anywhoo, that was basically my dream. Oh, and at one part I was thinking, is this the episode where they just meet the Borg, or is this the one where things get really bad? So apparently I was thinking of myself as being in an episode (That may or may not exist, and certainly not in how it played out) even in my dream.


Also: the tobogganing incident - ow. That must have been really scary.

Inexplicable DeVice said...

You hadn't been at the vodka again, had you Dinah?

The start of the second sentence reminded me of Homer when he fell into the 3rd dimension:

Homer, whining - "I'm somewhere where I don't know where I am."

Patty/Selma - "Heh. The shower. Heh heh. Heh heh."

Tim said...

Inexplicable Device - Do ya know, if I do experiment with whizzing across the bathroom, I'm going to video-blog it and send it to you, just you. EVERY DAY. FOR A YEAR.

But I probably won't, because I suspect this is some form of reverse psychology and you actually really want to see it.

I shall ignore your comment about spelling. And assume you've spent the day googling 'Big Bang pants.'

Dinah - Whoa! That was a pretty intense sounding dream!! The whole hitting and taunting thing makes it sound like you were assimilated into some sort of Borg college sorority. But dreaming Star Trek? Awesome.

And yes, the tobogganing thing REALLY HURT.

Inexplicable DeVice said...

No, really. Please don't. If I see wee all over the toilet bowl rim and floor, I'll be overcome with the urge to clean it up. But it'll be SOMEONE ELSES WEE!! Ewww!

I take back my spelling jibe - I went back to mine and re-read the comments I'd left, to find they were riddled with atrocious spelling and grammar.
Hmmmm... Perhaps we are SO alike?!

Tim said...

I'm not the sort of person who would be rude about another's spelling. Now stop procrastinating and clean up some wee!

missy&chrissy said...

oh man - we're so behind!! we're distressed we missed the "ask tim" posting! we're already jotting down questions for the next installment...

Tim said...

Oooooooh, gutted! I enjoyed doing 'Ask Tim' though, so d'ya know what?! D'YA KNOW WHAT?! If you can come up with five questions I will do an extra special 'Ask Tim: Miss&Chrissy Edition'!

missy&chrissy said...

five questions - eek! we're working on it...