I'm ready for presents now

Annnnnnnnnnnd … Work is done and dusted for the year, and I am home and safely ensconced in Sparky Towers ready for Christmas. Bring. It. On.

The last few days have actually been quite a good laff. Come with me, as I take you back, back through the mists of time, back to a place that I like to call … the office…

(that wasn't actually that dramatic, was it?)

OK - engage bullet points!

• Work geniunely has been good this week. There's been no massive rush, maybe a teensy bit of a balls-up early on, but that was all resolved quickly and efficiently and no charges were pressed. I've spent the rest of the time chowing down on the tins of Celebrations chocolates that have been appearing around the office throughout the week, and frowning at a courier when he took one without asking. I'm nothing if not territorial, especially after knocking back more Galaxy truffles and Malteaser bites than I can count.

• Went to a wicked Christmas party. Truth be told, I'm not much of a party person, really (that is unless they're my parties, because I'm a raving egomaniac if nothing else), but this one was good. I actually turned up a little bit fashionably later than I'd intended to, mainly because some doofus at the tube station pushed in-line in front of me, and then proceeded to ask a *million* stupid questions about how to top up his Oyster card. I ended up using the self-service ticket machine, which I probably should've done in the first place.

Anyway, the party was awesome; I saw an old colleague from looooooong ago, who was on top HI-larious form, as well as some of my very favourite ladies, one of whom grapped me by the hips, while the other did her utmost to pimp me out (as she always tends to do at these sort of things). The upshot of all this, apparently, is that I am officially a) a "hottie", b) being fought over by at least two beauties, and c) meeting up with a bunch of them for lunch in the new year. I was thinking I might make them compete for my affections in an X-Factor stylee, but on second thoughts I might demand some mud wrestling. Rawr! Long story short, the black shirt/grey jumper combo is clearly a winter-winner. And warm.

Also bumped into my Nemesis, who was the picture of politeness to my face, although one of my new-found harem did tell me that he mouths of about me every now and then, probably because I'm a buff young hunk and he's not. On the plus side, there was absolutely no need for me to defend myself because she then went on to say that the general consensus is that he is "an arse." In related arse news, by all accounts I have a lovely one that nigh on demands a good Christmas squeeze, or at the very least a brief caress followed by a short, sharp intake of breath.  

• With work bits done and dusted I've taken things a bit easy today. And by 'taken things a bit easy' I actually mean something along the lines of 'set the alarm(s) for 06:30, got up at 09:20, trundled into work, tidied up some loose ends, then spent a lot of time on the internet.' My last task was my customary desk-clean; for some reason, every Christmas I literally remove any indication of my presence from the office; mugs come home with me, stuff in my drawers comes home with me. Hell, even office plant comes home with me! 

Office plant is an interesting one, actually. After inheriting it as a fit and healthy Peace Lily three years ago, I somehow ran it into the ground with a series of ill-advised attempts to aid its continued growth, including - but not limited to - watering it with coffee. By the time I'd finished with it, the poor thing had gone from 'Peace Lily' to 'Piece of shit,' resulting in me rushing it home E.R.-stylee to Sparky Ma a few years back. She actually took one look at it and suggested I chuck it in the bin, but I had faith in her healing skills, and over the course of several touch-and-go months she nursed it back from a brown twig with a single shriveled leaf to a vibrant, healthy, happy-go-lucky plant (despite accusations from certain colleagues that I actually had binned it and bought a doppelganger replacement). And lord knows how, but I've managed to continue her good work leading up to me noticing today that it's actually got a white flower unfurling on top, which came as a bit of a surprise because there sure as hell wasn't any sort of flower there yesterday. Now, I also didn't actually know it was a flowering plant, which leads me to suspect that it's actually a baby triffid preparing to have its revenge on me for almost killing it. That being the case, I'll be sleeping with the bedroom door firmly shut tonight.

•And the last thing I did before leaving the office this evening? A quality chat with my boss about what the new year will bring. Boss man is a terrific bloke who has an infectious passion for creativity and new ideas, and he told me nothing would make him happier than for me to work on a new project he's been thinking about. It's always nice to be asked, so what else could I say but yes? The new year is going to be nothing if not interesting…