Sunday, August 17, 2008

LACK action!

Today has been dominated by two shopping expeditions born out of necessity: the first was a quick jaunt to Kingston on an urgent mission to buy a new wallet after the zip bust on my previous one and all my change kept emptying out everywhere whenever I took it out of my pocket. The replacement is a cool Rip Curl wallet in a tasteful chocolate brown. 

Mmmm - nice!

Several hours later, and almost two years after the inaugural annual IKEA-day, Jo and I headed to Wembley to fulfill my desire for some hot red LACK action, made necessary by the fact that I bought a printer the other week and I keep worrying that I'll step on it if I leave it on the floor for much longer. Plus, it looks a bit trampy if you leave random pieces of computer equipment scattered across the floor, right?

Good. Times. 

Also good was the fact that Jo didn't intend to spend any money and I somehow convinced her to spend more than I did. I did almost buy a big plant thingy, but was put off by the fact that all the ceramic pots they had to put them in were ugly. And by 'ugly' I actually mean 'UUUUG-leeeeeee.'

Oh, and in other matters, it appears as if IKEA have named a new item after me.

Some old dude gave me massive evils when I took this picture (I think he thought I was taking a picture of him).

Anyway, that's all of little importance, because in Aisle 6, Location 3 the prophecy was finally fulfilled and I got my grubby little mits on a bright red LACK. Several minutes later I handed over £7.99 and the LACK was mine. 

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A little under an hour later I was home and aching to assemble my LACK, while also fielding text messages from Willowc who wanted to know where Mick Jagger lives. LACK assemblage was not without its problems, however…

The LACK in its PACK(aging).

The LACK is shrink-wrapped in plastic. This needs to be pierced with a pointed finger or other firm appendage.

The LACK includes four doubled-ended screws. These are of great importance.

The LACK also includes four legs. These are also of great importance.

This is the main bit of the LACK. If you've bought a LACK and this is not included, you may want to contact customer services.

The instructions, stuck on the underside of the main part of the LACK, are pretty straightforward: screw legs onto main bit. Easy enough, you might think.

Attempting to screw the double-ended screws into the holes proves somewhat difficult, however, because the holes are too small, and the thread leaves an interesting, some might say "painful," indentation on your fingers.

Fortunately, I'm not just a pretty face; I whack one of the legs onto the screw and just damn-well screw the bastard on.

One leg…

…Two legs (and some Tim-leg supporting action because it was sliding around a bit)…

…Three legs…

…Four!

And finally the little red LACK complete!

So I've finally got a little red LACK. It's in place now, with mah printer on top, and it looks great. The question now is: do I go all Pokemon and collect them all…?

39 comments:

Dinah said...

Yay! Excellent screwing action. The LACK looks great.

Shepherd's Bush just got a shout out on the CBC. I'm not sure why, but I think it had something to do with the origins of the modern marathon.

MJ said...

I came here hoping to see some Tim-leg supporting action around IVD's head.

I am disappointed.

T-Bird said...

This choose your own adventure comment is dedicated to the pioneers of the art - Dinah and IDV.

Phwaooorrr!_______ (insert Lascivious adjective) looking ________ (insert part of Tim)! That red lack has really ______ _______, _____(adjective, adjective, verb) me in the __________(insert part of reader).

I need a _________ (insert favourite post coital method of slightly lessening the awkwardness nd shame here).

Inexplicable DeVice said...

Phwaooorrr! _Rigid_ looking _poking finger_! That red lack has really _strong_ _legs_, _take_ me (on it) in the _kitchen_ (yeah, I know it's not part of me, but I didn't want to commit to just one part, so I decided to choose a room and see what happens).

I need a_nother one_ !


I'm glad you linked to the first IKEA post, Tim, because it has the cutest pic of you on that little chair!

P.S. Don't get any more Lacks. We discussed this before, remember? They'll 'nest' and soon you'll be overrun with the dirty, filthy things!

Inexplicable DeVice said...

P.P.S. Me too, MJ.

CyberPete said...

That looks fabulous! Congrats.

I think however you should leave it with just the one. Less is more.

I've been looking for something red for my livingroom for ages but I can't find the right thing.

By the way, the candy in your first Ikea post. Fabulous. Especially the foam mushrooms. I've never tried the swedish fish though.

Tim said...

Dinah - Thanks, you're not the first to say that.

Shepherds Bush, yeah! Apparantly it's the precise distance from Windsor Castle as the modern marathon, and in the London Olympics of 19-something-something the marathon was run from the castle to the stadium in White City (which is right next to Shepherds Bush - basically where the BBC is located now). There was a thing on TV about it the other week!

The bush is famous!

MJ - Good God no! Unless I was snapping his neck like that Bond villain…

T-Bird - Don't encourage him!

Inexplicable Device - Filth. Sadly they don't sell the little red chair anymore otherwise I might've been tempted to pick one up. Damn.

Don't worry, I think I'll stick with the one LACK. I wouldn't want them to breed or anything.

Cyberpete - See above, just the one LACK for me. I can highly recommend the LACK - it's doing its job perfectly so far.

Sorry, but I *hate* foam sweets. Ugh!

CyberPete said...

You like it hard, mmhmmmm?

The LACK does look fabulous but I already bought two white coffee tables for my living room. I did buy the most fabulous coffee pot ever. It goes great with everything.

Tim said...

I like my tables hard. If a table's not hard it wobbles all over the place. No one needs a jelly-table.

This coffee pot … was it a bodum?

CyberPete said...

True, jelly tables although quite funky, would not be very practical.

Nah, not Bodum although I've got one of those too.

Tim said...

Can we see this coffee pot?

CyberPete said...

Of course you can. Right now I'm working on an Olympics post but after that I'll do a little show and tell of my magnificent coffee pot.

It may not be shown until Tuesday though.

Tara said...

You did not slack on assembling the lack. Well done, I like the color! If there was an IKEA in my city or in any of the surrounding cities here, it would be hard to keep money in my account cuz I'd be spending it there.

Tim said...

Cyberpete - that's fine, I can wait.

Tara - you don't have an IKEA near you?! That's terrible! You should start a petition - everyone should have access to an IKEA!!

CyberPete said...

Well it's settled then. Come over on Tuesday for fantastic coffee pot action!

Tim said...

Hurrah! I look forward to it!

CyberPete said...

YAY!

Do they sell your chopping boards in blue?

Tim said...

I don't know. It does say 'Available in two colours!' but they only had red.

I bet the other one is white.

CyberPete said...

Dammit!

I need blue stuff for my kitchen.

watch*paint*dry said...

You went to IKEA, they had what you wanted in the right colour, you left without killing anyone AND the package was not LACKing any vital bits like screws?

You are indeed touched, blessed, somethinged by the IKEA angels.

Now did you have a hotdog?

Tim said...

Cyberpete - You could always … paint it?

Watch*Paint*Dry - Every time I've been to IKEA they've had what I wanted, I've never killed anyone, and I wasn't missing anything. In fact, if anything I've always got extra.

Maybe you're DOOOOOOOOMED!?!?!?

No, I didn't have a hotdog. Apparently they close at 10 on Saturdays and we were still browsing around the plants when a booming voice said they were shutting in 20 minutes so it was all about rushing off to get the LACK before we were turfed out.

CyberPete said...

Somehow I don't think a painted chopping board would work.

*winks*

Tim said...

But it would look nice!

CyberPete said...

No doubt about that. Or maybe I should just change the colour scheme from blue to red.

Hmmmm.

Tim said...

Yeah, I'd just change the entire colour scheme to base it around a 79p chopping board. Do it!

Dinah said...

IDV is right, I'd forgotten how adorable that little chair picture is. You should get a little chair to go along with a little mouth!

Tim said...

Oh, Dinah, believe me I looked. Unfortunately, I think it is, in IKEA speak, DEFUNKT.

They did have a stool version with long spindly legs, but quite frankly that just looked ridiculous.

If I had've found that little red chair they'd be a little smile on my little mouth tooooooooooooo!

watch*paint*dry said...

Indeed I must be doomed. The only time I have had an ok experience in IKEA was when my friend bribed me with hotdogs and sweeties.

CyberPete said...

Well maybe not just that. But it would be nicer with a warmer colour.

Still blue is lovely. We all remember the blue food. No?

Tim said...

Watch*Paint*Dry - I think you must've offended the IKEA gods in a previous life...

Cyberpete - Blue food? Yes, sadly I do still remember that...

CyberPete said...

Hmmm.

I haven't felt better since I stopped making it.

Odd or ood (food)

watch*paint*dry said...

I have invoked the wrath of IKEA Lucipher in this life!
If you fancy adding to your LACK collection I have 3 white LACK shelves that hate me.

And what in mad cow's disease is blue food?

T-Bird said...

He he! I have a large bodum. It's rather useful.

WillowC said...

I wondered why you kept taking so long to reply. And it wasn't me, it was my parents, I was trying to convince them using the power of your authority!

Tim said...

Cyberpete - Why doesn't that surprise me?

Watch*Paint*Dry - Blue food? Pete, over to you…

T-Bird - Boasting again, huh?

Willowc - Yeah, I was distracted by Swedish things!

CyberPete said...

Um it's better seen that described.

WPD: Go here: http://cyberpete.blogspot.com/search/label/Blue%20Foods

T-Bird said...

I can't help it. God sent me the package, I signed for it.

What's not to be proud of?

watch*paint*dry said...

Ohmygosh Cyberpete! Please say you didn't eat all of it, although I would probably be impressed if you did! V funny.

k_sra said...

I once bought three LACK: a momma LACK and two baby LACKS, all in BLACK. I gave on of the youngins away this year after moving in with my husband of one and a half months. It's still in the family, but I miss it. Even though i have two others, I still fill I am LACKing something. *sniff*

darn you, IKEA, for making me care... : (

congrats on your new furnishings and funny-srtiped finger ridges.