It was all a bit shocking at first, because Jo immediately dragged me into a load of girly shops and started spending money like there was no tomorrow. I've not seen her like that before. She was like a woman possessed. I had to dissuade her from buying a revolting dress that even she acknowledged was revolting.
I needed a coffee just to calm things down a bit.
I soon hit my stride, though. I've recently rediscovered Topman, and there was a pretty decently-sized Topman hidden away in one of the shopping malls. And goddamn did I get my own back. I ended up going into a changing room carrying two t-shirts and three pairs of jeans, one of which was a skinny pair that Jo convinced me to try on. They actually fitted OK, and didn't look like they'd been painted on, but they had weird zippy pockets which went against the classic jeans-look I was after. Another pair was massively and unnecessarily-flared, so they went back on the shelf straight away. Fortunately pair number three was awesome-personified; a straight-fit pair that will go with my new posh shoes really well.
As for the t-shirts, I ended up buying one - an extra-deep vee-necked affair that cost six quid and shows off my man-baps like nothing else in my wardrobe. We actually debated whether it was wise to show of that much chest, but for six quid it's no real loss if I end up using it as a duster.
Jo was also on the lookout for man-jewelry for me. Not big diamond rings or chavvy stuff like that, more like bohemian-style wrist accoutrements. I quite like the idea, but I'd really need to find something I like before I bought anything - even if they were less than a fiver. Our conversation also strayed onto the topic of guyliner at one point, but I ain't going there unless someone stumps up some serious cash, even if it will accentuate the bottomless depths of my lovely eyes.
All in all, then, a rather successful afternoon. And look - the jeans and shoes are an awesome match!
Shopping's not all we did in Woking, though. We avoided being enslaved by Martian invaders.
Ha ha. Just kidding, like I'd need Tom Cruise. But no, really, all this Martian stuff is set up in the high street because Woking is a key location in the Martian attack in H.G. Wells' The War of the Worlds. In fact, one of the reasons I love that book so much is that a lot of the action takes place in locations I know really well. I'd be well set if they actually did invade. With my deep-vee t-shirt, new jeans and posh shoes I'm pretty certain I'd simply dazzle the Martians with my on-trend fashion sense and sexy moves.