Monday, September 17, 2007

A long overdue rant by yours truly

I've come to the conclusion that people are inherently stupid and annoying (with notable exceptions, you lovely, lovely people). Over the course of today, I've had numerous encounters with various people who I'd happily file under the heading 'numpty.'

Let's consider the evidence:

• YOU! Woman who pulled out in front of me on the Chiswick roundabout without looking. How very dare you glare at me in your rearview mirror when I beep you and mouth "f**k off" at me - you were so totally in the wrong. Bitch.

• YOU! When I ask if you had a good weekend, just say "yes." Beyond that, I don't really care.

• YOU! Woman in Starbucks - don't complain about the air-conditioning being cold. You chose to sit under the vent. Put a coat on. Or f**k off. I don't care which.

• YOU! Bizarre-looking old man wearing cycling gear - don't stand next to me at the level crossing like we're together. If I was so inclined I could do *so* much better than you. And stop walking in front of me in Marks and Spencers. Annoying!

• YOU! Posh old woman in Marks and Spencers - don't perch your glasses on the end of your nose then step back so you block my path to the food department while you admire a fetching pair of purple velour trackie-bottoms. No they wouldn't suit you, and no purple is not your colour - live with it!

• YOU! Two women dragging toddlers, one of which looks like a potato-headed albino - of course I don't mind that you take up the entire pavement so that I have to step out into the road in order to get past you. Posh wenches and your heinous offspring - damn you!

• YOU! Middle-aged man clearly in the midst of a middle-aged crisis driving a tatty Jaguar E-Type on the Chiswick roundabout - I saw you cut up the person behind me, then swerve into the right-hand lane. That being the case, I was annoyed, but nevertheless not terribly surprised, when you undertook me and then cut into my lane. I take solace in this: your car is a shit-heap, and you are a dick.

*calm*

Would anyone else care to vent today?

16 comments:

T-Bird said...

YOU!! People who always call FIRST! on a post and then leave a comment with utterly no content!

Tim said...

Nah, those I can tolerate!

Tara said...

YOU! People who are driving in front of me in my apartment's parking lot, only to stop short to chat with some passer's by, blocking any other car from passing them while they chat. That happened to me today, and I rolled my eyes and sped away and I know the chatting pedestrian saw the eye-roll. Good.

I had a college professor who was like 65 years old and dressed from neck down to his thighs in Spandex, biking gear. It was hideous. He didn't wear it in school, but he'd drop by the McDonald's I worked at on the weekends. Blergh! He even had little rear view mirrors for his eye glasses.

MJ said...

Everyone of those people boarded a plane for Canada later that day.

I'm sending them back.

Inexplicable DeVice said...

YOU! MJ.

Inexplicable DeVice said...

YOU! New guy in the office. Don't lump past my desk like a herd of elephants and bellow 'hello' at me. You don't know me, and I don't want to know you. And for Christ's sake, I'm in the same room - you needn't shout!

Don't worry about YOU! number 4 again, Tim. I'll take him out and take his place...

T-Bird said...

YOU! Idiot in the panel van cutting in front of me as I go around a corner!

Tim said...

Tara - You should've beeped your horn! Maybe hunt down that college professor and beep him!

MJ - Meddle with the plane's navigation system so they land in the Arctic!

Inexplicable Device - Don't be rude to MJ! Good call on the newbie though, but don't be lecherous - I have no desire to see you in cycling gear!

T-Bird - HUNT HIM DOWN AND PUSH HIS VAN OVER!!!

Dinah said...

YOU! Person who acts like they're better than me just because I don't wear scarves indoors and watch television! Stop it!

MJ said...

IVD thinks he can say or do anything with those Shorts on.

Tim said...

Dinah - Punch them!

MJ - I think he likes them too much. They're not going anywhere!

Inexplicable DeVice said...

I can do, or say, anything wearing these Shorts. No one wants to get anywhere near them to give me my comeuppance! Mwah hah hah hah ha!

P.S. I wouldn't wear cycling gear...

I mean, I would wear something - I'm not going to go starkers!

Inexplicable DeVice said...

Oh and:

YOU! Man sitting next to me. Shut the Hell up. I don't care. I DON'T CARE! I'm too busy to listen to your inane ramblings, you clod!

Tim said...

IDV, you are now officially the naked stalker.

Inexplicable DeVice said...

What are you saying? That I should endorse a large supermarket chain by appearing incessantly on TV gurning like a spacker?

Tim said...

Um… yeah, why the hell not?!