Saturday, September 08, 2007

Bitch-slapped

As you all know, I'm in the process of auditioning a replacement for Steve the cat. During the week I saw Tig, who was quite the charmer aside from the drool issues which you all launched at me for moaning about, but which nevertheless stand out as the only negative mark on an otherwise clean score card.

Today on Kitty X-Factor I saw another hopeful. This cat is black with a white paws, and is rather small - just out of kittenhood, I'd say. She also has rather lovely eyes, but then so does Tig. I actually first met this cat last Saturday when I was round Sparky Ma and Pa's, so this was a bit like a call-back audition. The little bugger is a little nervous, but nevertheless quite affectionate when it gets used to you.

This evening it popped round again. It wears a little collar with a tag, but so far we've been unable to read its name off said collar. As such, we've dubbed it Bumfluff. It now responds to the name Bumfluff, which is probably causing it no end of problems when it actually goes home to its owners and they call it something else. Anyway, I spent a fair bit of time playing with Bumfluff today and we were getting on like a house on fire - and not a house on fire that needed copious amounts of drool to put it out, I hasten to add, which is lucky because Bumfluff does not drool. Bumfluff does like having her back scratched though; I thought she might actually pass out when I scratched her back for the first time.

A little later on, Simon went to play with Bumfluff, and after about 10 minutes came back to tell me that the letters 'A,' 'T,' and 'Z' are listed, in that order, on the name tag. Hmmm… whatever single letter could precede those to create an imaginative name for a cat? Simon told me to go investigate further.

I found Bumfluff sitting at the end of the kitchen looking out into the garden, so I knelt down beside her, and began to lean around to look at the tag. Suddenly, Bumfluff turns back to face me, looks at me invading her personal space, and bitch-slaps me on the cheek! No claws, I hasten to add, but a bitch-slap nevertheless. Then as I recoil, she slaps the back of my hand!

How rude!

Laughing as I stood up, I noted that Bumfluff didn't at all look angry. This was clearly all a game to her. Cheeky little minx.

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Is my name really that difficult to get right? It's three frikkin' letters long. Twice yesterday, I had moments where people got my name wrong. On one occasion I was called 'Time,' while the other … well, while going to Secret Starbucks at lunchtime, the conversation with one of the baristas went something like this:

Her: So is your name Tim or Timothy?

Me: Just Tim.

Her: Justin?

Me: No, just Tim.

Her: Justin?

*sigh*

Me: Yes. Yes, that's my name. I am Justin.

16 comments:

T-Bird said...

Dude, Bumfluff sounds like she is a winner in the Kitty X Factor.

I like your approach to cats - just sleaze onto a cat that already has some human slaves and get some lovin'. No poo or fur everywhere to worry about.

Want to share custody of peecat?

Inexplicable DeVice said...

Hey, Justin! I'm liking Bumfluff - She sounds feisty!

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Nah... 'Justin' sounds gay. I prefer you as Tim (strange as that may sound).

Tim said...

T-Bird - Exactly! It's like a time-share holiday home, except the cat gets sweet sweet lovin' all round. Everyone's a winner!

Does Peecat bitch-slap? I'm not sure I could handle being bitch-slapped by two cats.

Inexplicable Device - Good. I prefer me as Tim too. Although in one small corner of Hammersmith it seems I shall forever be Justin…

T-Bird said...

Peecat is a lover, not a fighter. Well, technically she is a pee and poo factory too, but she definitely has never ever raised a paw in anger. I might do a post about her soon (complete with pictures, of course!) and let you know about how her Batman-esque purrsonality was forged in the fires of abuse as a kitten. Then she got rescued by the RSPCA and came to live with me!

Oh Justin, Justin, my very own Justin! Actually, that is a pretty gay name. Mind you, I don't know any Justins, but if I did, I bet he'd be gay.

Tim said...

Aaaaah, I look forward to seeing the Peecat post. Hey! You two should have your own TV show - The New Adventures of T-Bird and Peecat.

I'd watch that - and I'm willing to bet millions more would too!

Tara said...

The first cat I had bitch-slapped my brother, but Claudia (that was her name) had claws. So she drew blood. She was a moody cat, but I loved that little wench. The one I have now doesn't have much of a mean streak unless she's provoked.

So...who is the one you'd like to pick so far? The moody kitten or Tig?

Dinah said...

I think you're a good Tim, but if you're going to be a Justin or a Time be them both at the same time...then you can be Justin Time!

Tim said...

Tara - I don't know which cat to choose. Maybe I should have them both?!

Dinah - Ha ha ha! That's a good one! Or maybe I could sit by a large body of water? I could be Justin Tim-by-a-lake?

WillowC said...

Sounds like you'd be sat by a large body of water by default if you pick Tig.

Maybe her collar reads "Batz" and is a warning to prospective personal space invaders, rather than a name.

Tim said...

I see you've found your 'C.'

Yes, maybe it is a warning to unaware kitty-fiddlers!

missy&chrissy said...

maybe her tag read "katz"? so in case she ever forgot what animal she was...

and "sparky justin" just doesn't have the proper ring to it!

Tim said...

It would be pretty awkward for her to get it in her little paws and hold it up to her little face. I'm pretty sure she'd end up asphyxiating herself. Oh, the terrible price of knowledge!

sparky Justin does sound lame, but in hindsight Sparky Tim isn't that great either. If only my name was Marky… (I could have my own funky bunch then, too)

T-Bird said...

Noooooo. You can't be Sparky Marky. He's the special down the road who looks like a character from natural born killers and has a mullet.

He likes to kick small defenseless animals.

Tim said...

Don't worry T-Bird - I'm not a big fan of the name Mark. It conjurs images of something left in undercrackers.

missy&chrissy said...

aren't we all already your funky bunch?

Tim said...

Hell yeah! Of course you are!!

Now, everyone strike dazzling dance poses while I go off and get snapped in my Calvin Kleins.