Thursday, October 01, 2009

Blaze of glory

So what's the betting that title made you think of THIS?


When I go to yoga during the week I always try to get there really early, because unlike the weekends where you pick up a mat and plonk it down anywhere that takes your fancy, at peak times the staff put the mats down in advance and it's a first-come, first-served sort of thing. Basically that means if you get there a little bit late you get stuck under the heating vent where you're left to recreate the end of Raiders of the Lost Ark with you in the role of the melting Nazi.

I don't know who the surfer dude is here, but you can't deny he doesn't add a certain something to proceedings.

Anyway, so I get to yoga nice and early tonight, and I get a good spot so as to avoid a repeat of Saturday's pins and needles IN THE FACE debacle. Usually I lay there with my eyes shut while I wait for class to begin, but for some reason today I thought I might nod off, so I decided I'd look at the ceiling for a while.

The ceiling, it must be said, is exceedingly dull. But something nevertheless caught my eye. Just above me and a little to the left was a moth. A freakin' huge moth. Seriously, I've seen birds that are smaller (I mean of the winged variety, not diminutive ladies); this thing could've given a sparrow some serious grief.

So I watch this thing for a while, hoping that for some reason it's not going to take a fancy to me and land on my face or something because I genuinely would've screamed and run around shouting "GET IT OFF, GET IT OFF!!", but it's pretty static and doesn't appear to be in the mood to do anything exciting, so I start looking around to see if I can find something else of interest because I've been a bit listless recently and seem to have developed the attention span of a labrador puppy. In the meantime, though, someone comes in the studio and cranks the heating up to full blast (we're nudging the start of class by this time). This gets the moth all jittery, and it starts walking around and flexing it's wings like it's looking for a fight.

Then, just as the instructor is reaching up to pull a small window shut, it makes its move.

Have you ever heard the noise a VW Beetle engine makes when it starts up (an original one, not the new one)? Well this is exactly the noise this moth's wings made as it leapt off the wall and headed straight for the window. I'm not entirely sure, but think it made it; certainly if it hadn't it could've just body-slammed the window, shattered the glass and got out that way.

What really made me giggle like a special, though, was that as it zoomed past my head, I thought it would be really cool if the extreme heat made the moth burst into flames or something. It would've been like the destruction of the Enterprise at the end of Star Trek III - y'know, when Kirk and the crew are standing on the mountaintop watching the burning hulk of their ship plunge through the atmosphere.

It would've been epic. I totally would've stood up and saluted that little fiery bastard in front of the entire class.


Tara said...

So the moth isn't into doing yoga in the heat?

The heat melting your face off would've really messed up your chakras.

Inexplicable DeVice said...

I must say, I'm disappointed that the moth didn't take a fancy to you - I was looking forward to reading about you being the entertainment for the class!

Tim said...

Tara - I don't think it had paid, so I probably would've complained if it had put a towel down and joined in.

Inexplicable Device - Me being the entertainment for the class? DID YOU NOT READ THAT I GOT COMPARED TO JENNIFER GREY IN DIRTY DANCING LAST WEEK!?!

CyberPete said...

Re your comment to IDV: I didn't think you had a wonky nose

Tim said...

I can't say I'm terribly familiar with Jennifer Gray's nose. Is it particularly askew?

CyberPete said...

It was wonky enough for her to get it fixed and then nobody could recognize her so her career went down the toilet.

Can you remember seeing her in a movie after Dirty Dancing?

Tim said...

Dude, I can't even remember what she looks like in Dirty Dancing, let alone after it. She's such a cunning master of disguise!

Inexplicable DeVice said...

Oh, yeah. Jennifer Grey. Are you not her, then?

P.S. That surfer looks remarkably like Chris Evans. Not ginger "would anyone like a tangerine" Chris Evans, but 'The Human Torch' Chris Evans.

Tim said...

Has someone been watching that video over and over again…?