Saturday, December 06, 2008

Excited much?

It's only hit me this week that Christmas is looming big-time. It was around Tuesday that I actually realised I could count the amount of working days I have left this year using just my hands (which is a good thing because the office gets chilly and I don't want to have to use my toes as well); my last day is actually a half-day, but I'm not going to chop off a finger to make it properly representative.

It's also around this point of the year that people start mumbling the words "Christmas cards" to one another, and lo and behold about 1000 were dumped on my desk yesterday morning. Usually I look at them with disdain for an hour or so, and consider sweeping them into my bin while no-one's looking; unfortunately I know they'd be discovered at some point, so I begrudgingly just start signing. Yesterday, however, I was all fired-up and started signing almost immediately. 

It helps that I have a short name, but even then it ends up getting quite painful for me, and rather cryptic for the recipients of the cards. First of all, because I'm left-handed I end up curling my hand around the words so I don't smudge my signature or anyone elses. This, combined with the sheer number of cards that need to be signed, means that I eventually end up with horrific festive crip-hand, and a signature that begins looking quite normal, but ultimately ends up looking like it says either 'Tin' or 'TM.' Maybe I should just be a trademark?

In related matters, I've always been tempted, rather than just writing my name, to add something ridiculous like "love you!" or "cheeky cheeky! ;D" to a random card, safe in the knowledge that I'd never know to whom it would be sent. Sadly, I don't want to be fired have the guts, and fortunately by the time I've thought about it I'm well on the way to the aforementioned crip-hand and inability to write anything comprised of more than three letters.

An aside:

I received an unexpected response to the aside in my previous post about Gail from Coronation Street looking like a hamster. The ever-awesome iPandah emailed me to say that she's always thought her sister's dog, Sugar, looks like Gail, and I can't help but agree with her.

She is a seven year-old Maltese, normally looks cute (just not on this occasion), and likes swimming in canals and chasing ducks.

Oh, and apparently so does Sugar.

After work on Thursday I decided to head out for some late-night Christmas shopping - in Kingston, I hasten to add, not Westfield; my reason for this was that I actually wanted to do some Christmas shopping rather than just wander around an immense shopping mall cooing "look at the pretty lights!"

The best laid plans, though… 

It took me well over an hour to get there, which is frankly ridiculous, because it seems like everyone else had decided to do their Christmas shopping that night as well. The place was *heaving.* I eventually parked, and kicked off with a couple of spectacular FAILS trying to get some bits for Sparky Ma. Things picked up after that, though, as I hit-up a couple of stores, got a bit flirtrageous with some of the lady assistants, and ended up being given two bags of freebies (I can't say what as it'll give away what one of the presents I bought was) and a fun-size Mars bar.

An aside:


This totally couldn't have happened to a nicer person. And, my, isn't silver lycra a good look for her?

With shopping done (ish) I headed to Borders, where I used a 40% off voucher to buy a copy of I Love You, Beth Cooper, which I've been intrigued by since Dinah wrote about it a while back. While paying for the book I took the opportunity to complain to the guy at the till about the music they were playing instore - Take That's Greatest Hits. He wearily agreed with me, suggesting that it wasn't actually his choice and he would've preferred some Metallica or something.

Having paid, I headed upstairs to Starbucks, where I grabbed a Grande Misto and a comfy chair, and began reading. Sitting in Borders with a new book and a cup of coffee is one of my favourite chill-out pastimes, but I have to admit this time I wasn't quite feeling the vibe. There were a couple of middle-aged guys to my left loudly talking about secondhand cars, some scrummy-mummies squawking away behind me, and a slightly weird woman in front of me who looked like the sort of person who'd pick her own skin and eat it. And to top it all off Take That started looping round again.

As 'Relight my Fire' began, I slipped my receipt into my copy of I Love You, Beth Cooper, dug out my phone, and texted-up Best Mate Jo, who was a hardcore Take That fan back in the day.

I am in Borders in Kingston and they are playing Take That's greatest hits on rotation. I have already voiced my disgust to one member of staff, and I now feel compelled to leave because f**king Lulu is about to kick off.

That done I stuck my phone in my pocket, grabbed my bag, and legged it out of the store. Just as I got outside I felt a vibration, not in the Force, but in my pocket. It was Jo:

U gotta b strong enuff 2 walk on thro the nite… Yeah!

And so I walked off through the night, with that god-awful song playing in my head for the next hour.

I hate Lulu.


T-Bird said...

I hope you huffed and puffed and removed your monocle and polished it in a very unpleased manner!

First, bitches!

CyberPete said...

Tim Leng

You've learned a new language? (it's in your Facebook thingy)

PS. I love that song! (but then, that's no surprise to anyone I guess)

Tara said...

First of all, and before I forget to mention it, I love that little running guy you have in the side margin.

Anyway, I received a bag full of freebies from a guy when my friends and I went on a cruise. Our first stop was Key West, Florida, and the guy threw in so much free crap. It was great. Could've been flirting with me, but also could've just been trying to push the stuff in his store.

Dinah said...

Thinking of animals that look like Gail Platt is never not amusing. Seriously.

Christmas is awesome.

How do you like I Love You, Beth Cooper? I read it awhile ago and can't remember if I blogged about it or not.

Tim said...

T-Bird - I did, but only after it'd fallen out when I'd raised my eyebrow!

Cyberpete - Why does my Facebook thingy go all weird like that every now and then? On the plus side, it's clearly very well versed in foreign languages, kind of like a universal translator.

Tara - Either way, you got free stuff which is always a bonus. Now, was it good free stuff, or tat that you just chucked away later - that's the important question!

Dinah - I Love You, Beth Cooper… hmmm… It's an interesting one, and I'm definitely in the same camp as you on this one. I really want to like it, but so far - and I'm only 70-odd pages in - it feels a bit lightweight and 'written-by-numbers.' A bit like the author was just trying to hard to make it funny.

The previous book I read, Submarine by Joe Dunthorne, was also about a teenage guy facing romance problems and that was much better written; funnier and dirtier, too.

We'll see how Beth Cooper goes…

the projectivist said...

a slightly weird woman in front of me who looked like the sort of person who'd pick her own skin and eat it
did she look like Ally Sheedy? i've had my suspicions about her ever since The Breakfast Club. Remember all those scenes with her eating her fingers?

Tim said...

This is kinda shocking, but I don't think I've seen The Breakfast Club all the way through! Although I do like Ally Sheedy (particularly Short Circuit-era), so I think I'm going to have to look out for it - hopefully it'll be on over Christmas.

I'm a bit troubled by her eating her fingers, though. Does she really eat her fingers? I'm not sure I could handle the sight of Ally Sheedy with bloody stumps…

Tara said...

No, it was good free stuff...well most of it.

CyberPete said...

Yes you learn new stuff. Apparently you've also learned how to work the unicycle. Good for you!

Tim said...

Tara - Well that's alright then! Good free stuff is, well, good!

Cyberpete - I know! There's no beginning to my talents!

watch*paint*dry said...

If I hear East 17 ONE more time I am going to throw stuff. What is it with Xmas and that song?

I will be loaning you my DVD of The Breakfast Club. You must see it. Ally Sheedy is awesome. Especially when she shakes her dandruff all over her drawing. Oh yeah.

Tim said...

Watch*Paint*Dry - Do you mean Stay? Oh No!

She has dandruff too? Good grief - the woman clearly has some skin-shedding disorder!

CyberPete said...

They played Stay Another Day on the radio the other day.

You are one talented multilingual man.

Inexplicable DeVice said...

Who do you have to write all these cards to? Your fans? Is that why there're so many?

Feltz in Bacofoil was just brilliant! I reckon 2.5 days on gas mark 4 ought to do it.

Tim said...

Cyberpete - I hope you turned it off?

Inexplicable Devcie - I don't know, they're just put in front of me and I sign them. How long do you think it would take to cook honey-roast Feltz?

watch*paint*dry said...

Yes indeed it was that 'song'. And I heard it again today.

I have new headphones that I am gluing to my head.

missy&chrissy. said...

it doesn't seem fair that in bringing holiday cheer to others you wind up with the crip-hand! maybe you should start signing a little symbol instead of your name? it worked for prince.

CyberPete said...

It was in a shop so I couldn't. It's odd that track was one of the few tracks not mentioning, hinting or downright screaming Christmas.

I love Christmas mind.

the projectivist said...

oh good one, watch*paint*dry!
i had forgotten about the dandruff.

Tim, are you a Y-gen? is that why you haven't seen The Breakfast Club?

Tim said...

Watch*Paint*Dry - Oh no! Bung up your ears and run for the hills!

Missy&Chrissy - I was thinking I might get a little rubber stamp. Or someone to sign my name for me!

Cyberpete - I think you could've. You're just making excuses, aren't you?

The Projectivist - No, by all that's good and holy I really should've seen it. I love Ally Sheedy, so I really don't know why I haven't (though the idea of her with dandruff and gnawing her fingers off is a definite mark against it…)

missy&chrissy. said...

perfect idea - we're out of work, we'll totally be your card-signing assistant if you need one!

CyberPete said...


I kind of like it.. Is that so wrong?

Inexplicable DeVice said...

What's a Y-gen?

Bwah hah hah ha! WV is mingst. It's good to know His Mercilessness had a street named after him.

Tim said...

Missy&Chrissy - That does sound like an awesome plan, but I'm in the midst of signing now! Maybe next year?

Cyberpete - Yes.

Inexplicable Device - It's after Generation X, doofus!

I want to live on Ming St.!

Inexplicable DeVice said...

I've just had 'mingsts' at mine. Looks like Ming St is so popular at least one more had to be built to accomodate all the potential residents.

Ah, Y-Gen - It all makes sense, now...