Tuesday, June 02, 2009

Deflection

Understandably, given the circumstances, my running has taken a bit of a hammering since the accident the other month, and I've gone from being a sweaty yet heroic looking runner to a tragic, messy mouth breather with bad posture. Still, I'm trying to get back into it, and because the weather has been absolutely outstanding the last couple of days I thought: what better time to go for a run than tonight? And so I did. Along the towpath beside the Thames.

WHOOP WHOOP!

That's the alert that comes into play when I make a schoolboy error.

Why? Because as a result of the glorious weather, the towpath is dominated by swarms of little bugs that get everywhere. And by everywhere, I mean *everywhere*; in your eyes, up your nose, in your mouth, and in your chest hair (if you're lucky/masculine enough to possess any).

And so it was that as I neared the end of tonight's epic, body-aching jaunt, sexily wiping bugs from my face and shaking them out of my vest, that I decided like the Starship Enterprise, I too am in desperate need of a navigational deflector dish to clear obstacles out of my path. And by obstacles I don't just mean flies - I mean old people, small children, other runners, and dogs. Maybe cyclists and motorbikes if I can boost its power sufficiently.


We've got our sophisticated lightweight trainers, sweat-wicking microfibre tops, Nike+ iPod kits, and scientifically-balanced hydrating fluids - surely the deflector dish is the next logical advance in a runner's arsenal?

9 comments:

the projectivist said...

and when you've finished inventing that, can i borrow it for grocery shopping? no more getting stuck behind the people who see grocery shopping as an enjoyable pastime!

move people!

Inexplicable DeVice said...

Ooh, and I need to stick one on the front Car. And could you invent a smaller version that I can afix to my goggles when I go swimming as I'm sick to death of thoughtless clods who get in my way!

Tim said...

The Projectivist - Absolutely! Maybe I should market specific versions - one for running, one for shopping, one for adverse weather conditions?

Inexplicable Device - And poo. It would move floaters out of the way too, so you don't swallow them while doing the front crawl.

watch*paint*dry said...

I want to borrow to catapult all slow walking people out of my way. And people who stop at the top or bottom of escalators. Tsk.

Tara said...

Looks like that could double as an old-school record player, too! So while it's deflecting senior citizens, cyclists, kids and dogs, you could be playing a scratchy sounding record from the 80s! If you want to borrow my "Strawberry Shortcake and the mystery of the missing picnic basket" record, let me know. I might still have it around.

Tim said...

Watch*Paint*Dry - I'm thinking we should ditch the deflector dish and just develop working phasers!

Tara - Could you imagine?! You could develop some proper MC-ing skills with that!!

CyberPete said...

Are those bugs the pricking/sucking/gnawing/itchy kind?

I hate it when joggers, pram wielding women and bikers get in the way when I'm doing my powerwalk home from work on the towing path by the lake here. And they always do.

the projectivist said...

also?
when customers think that i'm paid overtime (i am not) whilst they browse after closing time as though they don't have a care in the world.

if it could somehow give off an electric shock to those people?
great.

Tim said...

Cyberpete - No, they're just the 'get in your face' kind. Fortunately, I s'pose!!

The Projectivist - I think you just need to get an electric cattle prod!