Sunday, June 20, 2010

The results are in… **now with sexy update!**

…And despite my fears about this year's Richmond 10k, I, RACE NUMBER 150, GOT A NEW PERSONAL BEST: 51 minutes, six seconds!

Not only was it a new PB (as we call it in the biz), but it absolutely annihilated my previous PB from last year's run by a whole two minutes, 30 seconds!

Yo, checkout my Nike+ graph, bitches.

What does this tell you? Honestly, I don't really know, so I'm going to hazard a guess that the fact that the curve is swinging upwards means that not only was I relatively consistent in my performance, but I was actually getting faster as the run went on. Chances are if this had been a marathon I would've ultimately attained such a high speed that the Earth would've started spinning backwards like in Superman: The Movie.

Let's look at a hastily revised version of the graph from my last post.

BAM! That's how I roll. And all this with barely any prep work; next year I might not bother doing any - chances are I'd win. It's strange; the older I get, the faster I appear to run. At this rate I'm going to be the speediest pensioner in the world (which could prove rather useful when racing all the other OAPs to the Post Office to collect my pension).

Do you want some more facts? Tough, you're getting them anyway (last year's numbers are in red):

• 10k (10.08k)
• 51:06 (53:36)
• Average pace 5:06 min per km (5:18)
• 684 calories (695)

Hmmm … I'm somewhat disturbed that I busted loose less calories. Either it's a discrepancy in my Nike+ data, or I wasn't burning off last night's chicken 'n chips quite as efficiently.

Truth be told, I probably would've just nudged UNDER the 51 minute mark if it hadn't been for my conscience; coming up on the 8km mark a woman in front of me stacked it massively. For zero point six eight seconds I considered leaping over her and carrying on, but because I'm a nice fella I did stop to check she was OK. A marshall was nearby and also came running over, so in hindsight she actually stacked it in quite a good place because they only really put marshalls at junctions to make sure you don't make a wrong turn. Anyway, she was fine and soon started off again. Fortunately the incident gave me a good opportunity to get in front of her (I'd been pacing behind her for about 10 minutes) in the run-up to the finish line.

Some bullet pointed facts? I'm tired and can't be bothered to write a cohesive piece.

• Accepted a cup of water off a small boy at the halfway mark but slightly misjudged where my hand was and ended up pouring most of it over his arm. This made me laugh, but I am grateful to the small boy for his efforts. BTW, he was helping out at a water station and wasn't just some random small boy holding out a cup of water. That would've been weird.
• Got massively cut-up by some lumbering beast of a man who bore an uncanny resemblance to Bernard Bresslaw. He literally ran alongside me then stepped into my path. I was NOT happy. Got my revenge later, though, when I did the same to him (maybe not quite so aggressively though) and topped it off with a jaunty smile. You never have a top hat and cane to hand when you need them, do you?
• Overtook a midget.
• Was going to accuse the midget of cheating when I spotted it further ahead about 10 minutes after I'd overtaken it. Turns out it was a different midget. What's with all the midgets?
• The new route was … OK. Not sure if I preferred it to the old one or not. Maybe I'm just being nostalgic? Annoyingly this new course still featured two laps of one section, which is just horrifically demoralising when you realise you've been there before and remember how far you've got left to go.
• Hydrated with coconut water (people at my yoga place swear by it) before starting. At about 8:55 I suddenly realised I desperately needed a wee. The toilets were a good five minute walk away, and the race started at 9:00. Considered finding a tree, but there weren't any that didn't have any runners doing elaborate stretches against them. I thus ran the whole 10k with a full bladder, which might explain why I ran it so quickly.
• There was a kid at the start line with one of those annoying vuvuzela things that everyone is using at the World Cup. After about 30 seconds I was tempted to either a) shove it down her throat, or b) insert her little white terrier in the end of it. I was pleased to see at the finish line that her dad had confiscated it.

All in all, then I'm feeling quite chuffed about the whole thing. The only downside was that for the first time I ran the race without my regular wingman (wingwoman?) Sweatband, who couldn't make it this year.

I think she was intimidated by my awesome skillz.

Oh, and then there was the fact that unlike previous years, there were no medals for the runners. Instead we all got mugs with a Mars bar and a banana stuck in the top. At first I was all, like, WTF? But then I realised that a mug is actually far more useful to me than a medal which, while admittedly impressive and shiny, does just get shoved in a drawer afterward.

The Mars bar has been taken care of. God knows what I'm going to do with a bloody banana though.

I think that's about it - apart from the traditional sexily-dishevelled post-race picture of course.


OK, so official times are out based on the time recorded by the chip we had to attach to our shoes (not a potato chip), and it turns out I was faster than my Nike+ data led me to believe!

*drum roll*

New official time of … 50:57 - nine seconds faster than I thought! I WAS ON FIRE!! (Not literally)


Inexplicable DeVice said...

Ohhhhhhh... So dishevelled and sexy!

Congratumalations on the new PB! Or, presonal best, Is hould say - Not being in the business myself.

Did you also accept the water from the small boy, too?

Tim said...

Well yes, of course I excepted it - he was offering it, I was thirsty - it would've been rude not to.

It's just that I then proceeded to empty half the cup over him.

Tim said...

Oops, I've done it again. Blame dehydration for the first instance, stupidity for the second.

CyberPete said...

Congrats you running machine!

Also congrats on the Nike sponsorship

Inexplicable DeVice said...

Dehydration and Stupidity make for dangerous bedfellows.
I blame them for the gaffs in my previous comment: "presonal" and "Is hould".

Tim said...

Cyberpete - Thanks! And yes, they pay me *millions* to wear that little swoosh, don't you know.

Inexplicable Device - Yes, I saw that, but I'm not the sort of person to point it out.

Inexplicable DeVice said...

Of course you're not. I expect someone else accessed your blog and wrote this, then?
You should look into upgrading your security arrangements.

Tara said...

Well done on on the race! I was hoping that the little boy who was "offering" a cup of water to you wasn't some poor homeless boy who was depending on that cup of water as his only beverage of the day.

I'd like a mug with a candy bar as a prize! That Mars bar would be the first to go with me, too.

CyberPete said...

I knew it. How are they feeling about you not coming in first?

Oh, and I could find a few good uses for the banana.

Inexplicable DeVice said...


* shocked *

You haven't been talking to Beast, have you?

Tim said...

Inexplicable Device - No, that was me. I was offended by you spelling and had an overwhelming urge to make you feel small and stupid.

Tara - Thanks! No, he had plenty of cups of water. Should I have tried to wangle some other stuff out of him?

Cyberpete - Like … a smoothie or a banana split?

Inexplicable Device - Am I being naive?

CyberPete said...

I was thinking something along the lines of throwing it at people, bit smoothies are yummy.

Whatever IS IDV on about?

Inexplicable DeVice said...

You mean to say, Tim, that you haven't seen (or heard) about Mr Beast's escapades with a banana? MJ hasn't been pulling her weight, it seems.

And 'Petra: I know you've seen the pictures!

Oh, and Tim?

* disappointed *

I thought Sexy Update = topless photos.


But Good Times (literally) with the nine second knock off!

Tim said...

Cyberpete - Ah, but because of the slightly curved shape would it not come flying back at you like a boomerang?

Inexplicable Device - *scared*

CyberPete said...

Yet if it came back, I could catch it and make a smoothie. Bonus!

Oh and congrats on the ever growing victory. That's really good!

Tim said...

BONUS! And Ta!

CyberPete said...

I'm almost afraid to ask, when are you posting something new?

Tim said...

I could ask you the same thing dear sir!