Wednesday, February 18, 2009

Best things EVAH?

It's been a busy few days since I last ranted posted anything, so let's zip through a few things, eh?

Why the hell not!?

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I'm addicted to Marks and Spencer's Triple Chocolate Crunch cereal. Seriously (cerealously?), it's awesome; I'm convinced they lace it with crack or something because I'm totally addicted to it and have been eating it for lunch each day at work since I came back from the Christmas break.

Still, I think M&S are missing a bit of a trick in the currant economic climate, so I'd like to pitch this to them.


Mmmm… tasty and topical - now that's what I call a good start to the day! (Although I suspect it might leave a slightly bitter aftertaste…)

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I had my hair cut the other day because in the space of just a couple of days it'd gone from 'reasonably awesome' to 'ARRRRRGH!' and when it goes 'ARRRRRGH' I just give up, throw my hands in the air like I just don't care, and book an appointment. This time around I booked an appointment for Sunday morning, which was a bit of a double-edged sword because my regular lady doesn't work Sundays meaning that I had to go with an untested newbie, but on the flip-reverse (yes, that's a little reference for all you Blazin' Squad fans out there) you do get 10 percent off (of the cost, not just your hair) on Sundays. And with the current economic climate being what it is, I decided to run the risk and save 10 percent. 

I needn't have worried. Untested newbie was awesome - she was chatty, gave me a great cut, and didn't get anywhere near Van Goghing one of my ears (unlike the last untested newbie I had). Best of all, though, she gave me a proper full-on head massage; it was so good I actually thought she was going to stove my skull in at one point and I was totally down with that. I would totally pay for that. Wait a second - I did. OK, I'd totally pay more. I wonder if I could just stroll in and pay her to threaten to crush my head? That's definitely a service they don't list, but they really should. I was *this* close to groaning with pleasure, and the last time I did that in public was when I got the last pair of purple Joker shoes at half price.

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I found the best piece of movie tie-in merchandise EVAH today - check this out: Watchmen condoms in Dr. Manhatten blue. Is there nothing studios won't do to whore their films to us? Wait, I don't care - whoever thought these up is a genius. If you're one of my (beloved) Facebook friends you might've seen a brief conversation that ensued between me and a pal after I brought these to his attention. If you're not, it went a little something like this:

Me (status update): Tim thinks this is the best movie tie-in EVAH: http://www.comicvine.com/news/watchmencondoms /137991/.

Pal: Nice. The irony being that comic book fans are the least likely people to need them.

Me: Don't be silly, of course they're not supposed to be used - if you take it out of the original packaging it'll be WORTHLESS.

They really haven't thought it through, have they? But faceless Warner Bros. marketing genius - I salute you, sir! And can I have some please - in their original packaging, of course*.

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Just started a new game of Scrabble on Facebook (another massive addiction of mine at the moment), and in my ongoing quest to litter the board with as many rude words as possible, I kicked off my turn with:


Heh, dirty.

I could've got a much higher-scoring word than that, but for sheer comedy value it was utterly priceless.

(On the other hand, how come I can use that, but not 'June'? Bizarre!)

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OK, I first saw this over at graphic novelist Paul Hornschemeier's blog, News and/or Headlice, and it's done the rounds of the tinternet over the course of the last week or so, so chances are you've already seen it, but it's nevertheless made me laugh consistently every time I've watched, so I'm posting it regardless.



I'm going to go out on a limb here and say that this is exactly the sort of thing that YouTube was created for. Hell, this is exactly the sort of thing that the freakin' internet was created for. 

Good times!

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Right, on to more important business that I'm nevertheless going to squirrel away at the bottom of this post in case it all goes to pot and I want to pretend it never happened. I think I inadvertently and rather unwittingly cemented plans to start my own little business today. Yup, crazy, huh? I was chatting to a colleague about my idea of starting a small independent press and rather than shoot it down like I thought he might, he totally told me to go for it. And d'ya know what? I think I might. I've got a name (and no I'm not going to reveal it just yet), and I've already thrown out a request for a URL and logo and … well, I think it could just, maybe, with a little bit of luck, work…

Hell, better to have tried and failed, crashing 'n burning in a glorious ball of fire than to dream about it but do nothing, right?

That being the case, I'm off to write a mission statement!


*Good lord, I've literally just realised that the opposite to 'in their original packaging' is quite simply too horrific to consider. Ugh. I feel sick.

12 comments:

the projectivist said...

warm wank.
beautiful.
it's like strawberries & cream
or something.

my favourite bit of this post?

Pal: Nice. The irony being that comic book fans are the least likely people to need them.

Me: Don't be silly, of course they're not supposed to be used - if you take it out of the original packaging it'll be WORTHLESS.


made me snort juice out of my nose.

Tara said...

So...what's the name of your new business? Huh? Huh? Tell us! Actually that's pretty exciting! Keep us posted!

I wonder if there are Dark Knight condoms out there. Something with a bat signal on it perhaps.

I'll bet someone could start a business where all they do is either shampoo or massage the heads of customers. Cuz that really is the best part of a haircut.

CyberPete said...

I bet the head crushing is on the same menu as the Redeye.

Are you playing scrabble with IDV again?

Dirty!

the projectivist said...

Tara and CyberPete are really onto something there.
imagine ...
dark, luxurious interior with subtle lighting and as you enter you are offered (from a silver tray) a tiny, perfect little cup containing a shot of Redeye. After inhaling your beverage, you are lead to the most comfortable chairs you ever had the pleasure of sitting in. you're eased back into a reclining position and one of the staff (who doesn't speak to you even once) gives you the most pleasurable head massage/hair wash ever. better than the best sex you ever had. maybe.

yeah.
i'd go there.

Inexplicable DeVice said...

I surprised myself by actually liking that Blazin' Squad choon (isn't that what the yoof call it?) when it was out - And I still really like it now.

I don't recall a warm wank when we were playing?

...

Scrabble. SCRABBLE! Not anything else (unfortunately).



Oh, and how excited am I by your new business endeavour? VERY, that's how much. Good luck - You totally have my support.

Tim said...

The Projectivist - There is nothing I like more than being told that I caused someone to expel juice out of their nose - good times!

Tara - It's secret for the moment! Dark Knight condoms would probably be a bit freaky, but I'm thinking Spider-Man ones would be cool!

Cyberpete - Nope, not this time! I don't think I'd use such language with him anyway; he'd only get vile ideas.

The Projectivist - That. Would. Be. AWESOME! I'd never leave!

Inexplicable Device - Are you trying to be 'down with the kids?' You won't be able to get back up, you know.

And thanks - I'm really excited about the idea of it all … I plan to start it as a hobby and hopefully build it from there. You know what they say: from little thingies, um, big doodahs grow.

CyberPete said...

I do wish you all the success in the world growing big
doodahs. I'm sure it will work out great.

Inexplicable DeVice said...

* raises lace hankie to mouth then swoons at the thought of Tim's big doodah growing *

* thud *

M said...

My favourite part of this post 'Hell, better to have tried and failed, crashing 'n burning in a glorious ball of fire than to dream about it but do nothing, right?'

A damn good philosophy for life.

Tim said...

Cyberpete - Why thank you!

Inexplicable Device - Do you need some smelling salts?

M - Damn right! Wait till you hear my other philosophies!

missyandchrissy said...

triple chocolate crunch cereal sounds a-mah-zing! even better than my lucky charms.

congrats on the start of the indie press - i look forward to reading more about it! and of course when you hit the big time and need a book publicist to represent your authors, you'll know who to call. =]

Tim said...

Dude: YOU. ARE. ON!