Tuesday, January 06, 2009

My milkshake brings all the boys to the yard

I think that ranks as the most ill-advised title I've ever applied to a blog post.

Right, towards the end of last year I went milkshake crazy and started blending left, right, and centre to find the perfect combination of milk, ice cream, biscuit, and, um, shake. And as many of you clamoured to know exactly how I whipped up such a fantastic beverage, I'm going to throw my secrets wide open and share them with you here - because damn right they're better than yours, and unlike Kelis I'm not going to charge!

Here we go!

Step 01: Prepare your equipment (you in the cheap seats - stop sniggering!)

Here's my blender, ready for action.

Step 02: Prepare your biscuits

I'm going with chocolate Hob Nobs because they're chocolaty yet also full of fibre so they'll help keep me regular. Like many, I'm starting the New Year with a healthier option.

They also have a somewhat dirty name - tee-hee!

Step 03: Sacrifice your biscuits to the all-powerful blending deity!

Crush 'em up real good too!

An aside:

Don't forget one for the chef, too.


Step 05: Prepare your ice cream!

We're going with Sainsbury's soft scoop vanilla here, which is fine, but in all honesty I'd recommend going with chocolate in future.

Step 06: Sacrifice your ice cream to the all-powerful blending deity!

I recommend about two-and-a-bit to three reasonably big spoonfuls.

An aside:

Don't forget some ice cream for the chef!


Step 07: Measure your milk

Work out exactly how much milk you need by filling the glass you'll be drinking your milkshake from.

Step 08: Chuck the milk on top of your biscuit and ice cream abomination

Mmmm - how vile does that look?

Step 09: Regard the monster you're about to create

Let's pause there for a musical interlude.

Step 10: BLEND!

Blend it real good!

Step 11: Post-blending

After a couple of minutes blending, take a few to chillax.

Step 12: Fill your receptacle of choice!

Remember to shake out all the froth and lumps!

Step 13 (unlucky for some): Down it in one!

Mmmm… isn't that good?

Step 14 (voluntary): Vomit


missy&chrissy. said...

awesome post. it's official - you need a cooking show!

CyberPete said...

I'm with Missy on that! I will not make any naughty comments about the nobs and such.

I do love the Timmy mug. Tee-hee

Tim said...

Missy&Chrissy - Not so much cooking as blending, pure and simple!

Cyberpete - You surprise me with the lack of naughty comments!

CyberPete said...

One thing is for sure. Your milkshake will always being this boy to your yard.


You made me want to get a blender now.

Dinah said...

I love it! Especially your mug. Um, I mean, the glass one...

Anonymous said...

Haha nice. That milkshake looks damn good. If I wasn't feeling lazy i'd make one myself.

... McDonald's thickshakes just seem that much easier.

Inexplicable DeVice said...

That checked shirt makes you look oh so very burly in that first picture. Mmmmmm...

* ignores 'speshul' look created by hobnob *

However, you look somewhat like a naughty boy who resents taking his medicine in the second photo.

the projectivist said...

it just so happens that i was given the electronic gadgetry (for xmas) that makes it possible for me to have my very own milkshakes at home.

thank you for that in-depth demonstration of how to make your Hobnob Special. That's dinner for the month of January sorted out for me then. i might try some variations though, just to keep it interesting.

Nice biscuits
jaffa cakes
kingston biscuits
custard creams.

Tara said...

1. Happy Belated 12th Night O'Christmas, btw!

2. The grocery store in my city actually sells UK-related food items and I think I saw Hob Nobs on the shelf. How many of those biscuits do you put into the blender?

3. I love your mug with Timmy on it. "Tim-ah!"

4. I have chocolate ice cream, the milkshake needs to be created. Maybe another taste test video is in the workings.

Tim said...

Cyberpete - That's the sort of form I expect!

Dinah - Ha ha, they're almost indistinguishable!

Courtney - Yeah, but McDonalds don't chuck biscuits in 'em!

Inexplicable Device - Everyone else is talking about the milkshake and you're perving! You know I hear voice of Mr Herbert from Family Guy every time I read your comments now, don't you?

The Projectivist - DO IT! Join the League of Blenders! Gingernuts could be a good choice … might be a bit like a gingerbread latte…

Tara - 1. And to you! It only really registered with me that Christmas was officially over today when I saw the festive menus in Starbucks had been removed!

2. Dude, totally, get some Hob Nobs - they're awesome! I put three in my shakes - enough to get the flavour, but not enough to overpower it!

3. Good innit?

4. DO IT!

CyberPete said...

Well, preparing the equipment, getting those nobs ready.

That's essential for getting that creamy milkshake.

Shall I go on?

iPandah said...

I've got that Starbucks mug. Well, two of them in fact.

missy&chrissy. said...

we're glad you're with us, cyberpete!

and alright tim - a blending show then! there's not nearly enough of them on the telly at the moment.

Tim said...

Cyberpete - Filth!

iPandah - I've got multiple variations of it too! I've got the last three Chrimbo ones. And I've got a couple of other different Starbucks mugs too. You'd think I was addicted…

Missy&Chrissy - It'd be great … we could have dance acts while I'm waiting for things to blend!

CyberPete said...

I know, (unfortunately) I can't get past that shirt you are wearing. It makes you look so, well let's use IDVs word. Burly.

Inexplicable DeVice said...

To be honest, I'm not that fussed about milkshakes as I don't like my milk sullied by anything else. So, the only comment option left was mild perving. AND NOT SOUNDING LIKE MR HERBERT!

skillz said...

Looks interesting, and the regularity you promise only sweetens the deal. I'll make it!

Though I might add vodka.

Tim said...

Cyberpete - Well, you'll have to get past it, it's one of my favourites!

Inexplicable Device - Gasp! You'll have to try a hob nob one, Herbert!


Won't vodka in a milkshake be, um, gross?

CyberPete said...

It's not a bad thing though. It looks awesome on you

Inexplicable DeVice said...

I'm sure I can get past it/through it/in it!

Quick Skillz! Spike Tim's milkshake!

watch*paint*dry said...

Why why why does my comment never save on your blog?
I wrote something dirty to do with 'chocolate' and 'shaking' and more than likely 'licking'. And it could have been genius and now we will never know.

watch*paint*dry said...

I did everything the same and it worked this time.

WV: proar


Tim said...

Cyberpete - Thanks!

Inexplicable Device - Are you talking about being referred to as Mr Herbert?

Watch*Paint*Dry - Knowing you, I suspect you're overloading my smut filter…

Inexplicable DeVice said...

You know I meant your shirt!

Ooh, WV is 'punki' - I'm imagining that punki is the new emo. Punk goes pink!

T-Bird said...


Awesome milkshake. It will probably bring some girls to the yard too.

Mmm..... shakey icecreamery goodness...

CyberPete said...

*saves photo as background on iPhone*

Tim said...

Inexplicable Device - Yeah, yeah, whatever!

T-Bird - I hope so! I'll pour it over myself and let them lick it off.

Unless they're mingers, of course.

Cyberpete - You didn't!?

CyberPete said...

Well no, but it is that good. The one where you don't look so much like a spechul mind.