Spiders, Cylons, and wonky-mouth

It's been a while, hasn't it? Sorry - that's my fault. I've been busy, y'see. Enough about me though, how are you? Keeping well? You look well. How's the family? Good? Good. 

Enough with the pleasantries - I s'pose I should do something reasonably entertaining, huh?

Well, you asked for it. You've only got yourself to blame.

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I was alarmed yesterday by a story on the London news (which I'm damned if I can find online) about spiders under Kew Bridge. Not any old spiders, though, but rather Johnny Foreigner spiders hitching lifts on bananas and escaping into the wilds after reaching our fair shores. Yes that's right - asylum-seeking spiders. Anyway, seems a load of the little devils have taken up residence under Kew Bridge (which I drive over every day on the way to work), and apparently they can give a rather nasty bite if you poke them or make 'your mum' jokes at them.

I don't know about everyone else, but until the courts see fit to move these buggers along or ASBO them, I'll certainly be dipping my accelerator a bit harder as I zoom over the bridge on the daily commute from now on. Or, y'know, finding another route. Because you know they're going to start trying to squeegee-ing your windscreen or something while you're waiting at the traffic lights at some point.

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Anyone who's my Facebook friend might've seen yesterday that I made the amazing discovery that you can buy a full-sized Cylon online. This is amazing, and, I think you'll agree, a bit of a bargain at just over eight and a half thousand dollars. Eight and a half thousand dollars?! That's, what, about four grand in real money? Sign me up! 

Seriously, though, how cool would it be to have a real Cylon? I'm having a little fantasy in my mind about it right now*: I'm thinking of us running through a meadow together. I'm thinking of it cooking me dinner and making me a special pudding**. I'm thinking I could ride it to work like a Segway.

And if it did all those things I would totally be OK with it trying to wipe out humanity.

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So, how are we all coping with the credit crunch? I hope you're also managing to keep a smile on your face while vast amounts of your savings go tits-up. Ahem. Anyway, I think I've found a way to help us through these troubled times.

And how, pray-tell, do we do that?

Here's how: Milo Venti-mocha-ccino or whatever the hell he's called. Y'know, ol' wonky mouth from increasingly-unpopular and in-no-way-getting-more-ridiculously-rubbish-with-each-episode tellybox show Heroes. 

I've got this theory, y'see, that anything can be made infinitely more amusing by the addition of … well, a wonky mouth. I started by finding a picture of Milo Double-Americano smiling (which was in itself a tad difficult; you'd think that anyone who has banged both Rory Gilmore and the cheerleader in his time wouldn't be able to stop smiling).

And from there we'll just take the mouth. And apply it to a variety of other pictures for comedy effect. Now, do keep up - there'll be an assignment at the end.

Why so serious? 

Hello Kitty!

OK, admittedly this makes it look like he's having an aneurysm or something.

I don't think I need say anything, except this picture barely needs added wonky-ness.

OK, so your mission, should you choose to accept it, is to apply a wonky-mouth to something with HI-larious results. I've put the mouth below, and it's up to you whether you want to print it out and do something with it manually, or slap it onto something digitally. Either post them on your own blog, or email 'em to me and if I get enough (or any) I'll stick 'em up here.

Bonus points for any with boobs in. Have fun my pretties.

 

* Nothing untoward, you pervert.

**No, really, you're just being dirty now.