Retail therapy

The thing about having a shitty couple of weeks is that they give you carte blanche to do something crazy like, ooo, impulsive retail therapy, which to be honest, is my favourite kind of therapy. Especially if someone else is paying.

Unfortunately, no one else is paying in this instance, but I've given it a good bash nonetheless. I heard something on the radio a while back that said retail therapy is a short-term high, whereas eating chocolate gives you more of a long-term high. Well, I'm sorry, but I knocked back two easter eggs, a mini Flake, and a full-size Yorkie bar, and they didn't make me feel half as good as I did surfing the internet for things I don't need but really, really want. Which leads me to the concept of buying drugs. I wouldn't buy drugs, but for people that do, do you find you get the high of buying the drug itself (i.e. the retail therapy), followed by the high of actually taking the drug? It's a theory that just occurred to me. Answers on a postcard, filthy drug-takers.

Anyhoo, the upshot of this is that I've bought some lovely stuff and don't feel at all guilty about it because I can just write it off as an attempt to make myself feel better. A bit like fiddling your taxes, I s'pose. And what have I bought, you ask? Well…

• The soundtrack to the new Star Trek movie. I do love a good soundtrack, and apparently this one is tops. I'm just waiting on it to be delivered - Amazon say it's en route!

• The novelization of the new Star Trek movie. I've got all the others, so I might as well have this one.

• A Junk Food Star Trek t-shirt, because I've always liked their t-shirts and while I've shied away from wearing anything with Star Trek emblazoned across the chest in the last 10 years or so, I love the retro design on the front of this one and decided I had to have it. And I've just noticed that eight quid's been knocked off the price since I bought it, but I actually don't really care because I just wanted to spend money.

• Some Dr Denim jeans. I did make a saving here, because as part of a Bank Holiday deal 10 quid was knocked off the asking price, and although I don't *need* anymore jeans that kinda swung it in favour of splurging.

So the jeans were delivered today, and after trying them on I'm happy that they're every bit as awesome as I hoped they'd be. There's nothing really radical about them, but I like the stitched line across the front that makes them look like they're riding lower than you think they actually are. It's a bit like that craze of wearing your trousers down so low that your bum cheeks hang out, without the bum cheeks actually hanging out. I couldn't do that look for fear my trousers would suddenly descend of their own volition. Also I don't feel the need to flash my pants to all and sundry.

Anyway, so the jeans are lovely, and they go with my new Junk Food Star Trek t-shirt just fine. But one thing did take me aback just a little. There's a card attached to the jeans that says, and I quote:

"These jeans have never been washed, which means that they will dry bleed in the beginning and may shrink 1-5%."

Dry bleed? is that like a dry-slap?

"Dye stuff may rub off on light coloured clothing and furniture."

So, ladies, I wouldn't recommend trying to dry-hump me on the dancefloor if you're wearing that nice new white dress.

"To achieve a beautiful vintage patina, you should wear these jeans for six months before washing them. But you don't have to if you don't want to."

Yes, so don't wash them for six mon- hang on a sec?! WTF?! Let me read that again!

"To achieve a beautiful vintage patina, you should wear these jeans for six months before washing them. But you don't have to if you don't want to."

Gadzooks, it does say that! Don't wash them for six months?! Outrageous! Now, I've checked the Dr Denim website and that says bugger all about the whole not washing your jeans for six months thing. But I did find a blog by some dude who's done the no washing-your-jeans-for-six-months-thing and written all about it, which is interesting. One of the things he says is that you should 'rest' your jeans in the freezer every now and then.

Now, I like to follow instructions properly in all walks of life (such as, say, stopping my car at an appropriate distance behind the car in front), and I must say I'm intrigued by the idea of following Dr Denim's advice and not washing my jeans until November, if only for the fact that I'll technically always have a pair of jeans ready to wear. But on the flip-reverse, I'm not sure I want to be known as the eccentric young gentleman who stashes his jeans between a box of two Birdseye chicken kievs and a bag of Aunt Bessie's frozen mashed potato.

Thoughts?