Monday, May 26, 2008

The postman only gets crushed once

When I got home from work on Tuesday I found a Royal Mail card on the floor informing me that they'd tried to deliver a package but I wasn't in. Odd, I thought; I'd not ordered anything - and even when I do I have it sent to work. Was this another case of stupid previous owner of Sparky Towers having something sent to my house again? I was momentarily outraged until I noticed the name on the card was definitely mine. 

Intriguing…

So I hopped online and arranged for the package to be delivered on Saturday. And on Friday night I set multiple alarm clocks because I have a habit of sleeping in until about 11am at the weekend.

Saturday morning arrived and I woke at just gone 8am, rubbing my eyes and yawning like a newborn kitten. Then I glanced out the window and saw postie just over the road. Eeek, I thought, jumping out of bed and pulling some trousers on while somehow managing not to fall over in a comedy-stylee. Then I ran downstairs, and put the kettle on just in time to hear:

RIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIINNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNGGG!

OK, postie-dude, I know from past experience that you know I'm highly unlikely to be up at that time in the morning, but really, that was just a little excessive. I did, however, manage to get my own back because the postie was evidently unaware that Sparky Tower's front door opens outward, and as he was leaning down to perhaps try and hide the mystery package behind a malnourished tree I recently bought, I opened the door and crushed him between the door and the front of the house.

"Huk!" he muttered, before extricating himself and handing me two packages in a somewhat disgruntled fashion.

The sender of the first package was evident from the name on the box - my electrickery company. 

But what the hell had they sent? A hamster and a wheel so I could generate my own power? I did what any intrigued individual would do and opened it.

Ooo, two free* energy-saving light bulbs. Wicked - I needed some of them.

The second package was the more mysterious of the two. An unmarked jiffy-bag… I carefully eased this one open just incase it was some sort of incendiary device from a disgruntled blog reader - but no, it was in fact a response to a request I made a few weeks back.

Someone had sent me the Batmobile I so desperately yearned  for.

OK, so it's not quite:
But beggers can't be choosers, so thank you very much, not-so mysterious stalker stranger. The chances of me following through on my promise to dress as Batman though, are, it must be said, slim to none. And by 'slim to none' I actually mean 'none.'

-----

Always one to pay an unwanted, unnecessary, backhanded compliment/insult, Big Bro turned round to me on Saturday evening just as I was leaving the parents' house and told me I looked like fast-talking, semi-retarded Radio 1 DJ Zane Lowe. I'm not sure I see it myself.

Oh, and for anyone unfamiliar with Zane Lowe, imagine reading this post, and in fact this blog in its entirety, without any full-stops, spaces between words, or pausing for breath and you'll get the gist of his style.

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After waiting what seems like an age since it was released in the States (a month ago), the new album from one of my very favourite bands, Phantom Planet, finally got a UK release today - so I rushed out first thing this morning to pick up a copy. And my verdict on Raise the Dead? Awesome. I really think this is their best album to date - 12 cracking, catchy, pop-rock tracks of a consistently high standard. Their last album, the self-titled Phantom Planet, has been a constant presence in slot 1 of my in-car CD player for the last four years, but it's just been displaced by the new one. I'm going to encourage you all to go to their MySpace page to check out their stuff, and if you're too lazy to do that, check this out:


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My brief shopping expedition was also well worth it for another reason - I finally got the gorgeous new Incase Slider case for my iPhone! Problems arose, however, when I got home and tried to remove my iPhone from the chunky case I'd bought when I got the phone: it was stuck.

I tried for ages to get it out (not surprising bearing in mind how difficult it had been to get it in in the first place - which is why I'd left it in there since buying it back in February), and in the end I had to resort to twisting the thing until it broke off. It's now so twisted that it won't shut properly; it looks a bit like Burt Reynold's face. Which is a bit of a shame as I was going to offer it to a fellow iPhone user - the case, I mean, not Burt Reynold's face.

Still, mine now looks even more awesome than before. Good times.


*Note to self - make sure they haven't invoiced you for them on the next bill.

26 comments:

CyberPete said...

YAY first!

I like how they write "iPhone not included" like we'd really believe it was. We know how expensive Apple stuff is.

Fabulous car you got there. I bet you'll have endless hours of entertainment there.

WillowC said...

It's just as well that fabulous Batmomini was delivered, I'd have been a touch narked if I'd been dragged out of bed at 8am for a lightbulb.

Tim said...

Cyberpete - I know, that's always made me laugh. Mind you, they wouldn't be laughing if they left it off then loads of irate customers were all, like, "where's mah iPhone bitch?"

Willowc - Two light bulbs!

Inexplicable DeVice said...

Hmmm... I can kind of see where your brother was coming from when comparing you to Zane Lowe, however, Zane looks too special to pull off that sinister look he's obviously trying hard to do.
Whereas you, on the other hand, look... Let's just say there can never be enough pics of you posted here, shall we?

No dressing up as Batman!? That was £2.58 down the drain then! Ummm... I mean, whoever sent you the BatMini must be quite disappointed?

* goes off to Phantom Planet's MySpace page to see if the music there is any less of a racket *

Tim said...

Inexplicable Device - What if Zane Lowe dressed as Batman? Would that work?

Tara said...

Oh! Well that's an interesting bat-mobile! Definitely an item to display on a shelf to discuss when guests come over.

Those energy-saving bulbs are nice, but if they are the ones they're warning us about over here, the bulbs are filled with mercury. Be careful.

Tim said...

Tara - Eek! I knew it - they were sent by a disgruntled blog-reader!!

Tara said...

Just don't have a bulb-breaking party, that's all. Those are all the rage right now. ;)

Dinah said...

When I first scrolled down I thought "Wow! That Zane fellow really does look like him..." and then I realized I was still looking at a picture of you. See, I'm a quick one.

That BatMini is awesome! I can tell that some mysterious person went to a lot of trouble!

T-Bird said...

That mysterious and sexy person is indeed both mysterious and sexy!

Tim said...

Tara - God, no - could you imagine the clear-up operation afterwards?

Dinah - I should've said I was on the left, hey? NOT THAT WE LOOK ANYTHING LIKE EACH OTHER!

T-Bird - No, I don't think that mysterious person is.

watch*paint*dry said...

No no not Zane Lowe. You're much better looking, you are much better everything than him.
I totally told you it was a batmobile! A real cool one at that. Those bulbs don't work with dimmer switches by the by, unless you like disco lights. Ooer

Inexplicable DeVice said...

* mysteriously and sexily appears *

Eww, no! I don't want to see Zane Lowe dressed as Batman - He'd be like a poor man's version of you doing it.

* mysteriously and sexily disappears *

CyberPete said...

Oh to be living in a country where your electrical company sends you free light bulbs *dreams*

Still it bites to get up at 8am on Saturday to get them

Tim said...

Watch*Paint*Dry - Thank god I don't have dimmer switches … although a living-room based disco would be awesome…

Inexplicable Device - Mysterious, yes; sexy … keep working on it old chap.

Cyberpete - It's the land of dreams and no lie-ins!

Inexplicable DeVice said...

You mean dressing in velour isn't sexy?

Damn. I've been watching too much Futurama again...

T-Bird said...

Where's Private Lee Lemon when you need him? There's so much mysteriousness and sexiness going on here, I am suitably confused and intrigued.

That Zane fellow, whilst looking nice in his black shirt appears to have the look of a person with a severe personality disorder about him... I sincerely hope you don't share that with him, Tim!

Erm, I think you are due for a yearly compliment on being cute (I once a year is enough - there are plenty of other people here who will blow smoke up your bottom) - so here goes. You are prettier than that Zane fellow. And as far as my theory goes about pretty men, you clearly have some sort of severe personality issues you are not letting on about!

Sorry. Compliments for cute heterosexual men are so not my forte.

Tim said...

You could be dressed as the blue opera singer from The Fifth Element and I'd still give you a resounding X-Factor style "NO."

Tim said...

T-Bird - AAARRGH, STC COLLISION!

*ahem*

I'm not aware of any severe personality disorders, T-Bird, but I'll be sure to ask a broad selection of my nearest and dearest just to be certain. Thank you for the compliment, I think…

As for Zane, well he hails from your side of the world - a Kiwi no less!

T-Bird said...

It's just a little theory I am working on (looks vs personality). Seriously, as a non-gayer, that's as good a compliment that I can give to you. If you think about it, it's a pretty big compliment.

Freud would have a field day in my head.

Don't worry, The SS Bellini is about to sail off to work, headache and all. The STC is yours. Helm - status report!

Inexplicable DeVice said...

Oh. I like the Diva Plavalaguna, too.

* starts removing blue tentacles *

Bah!

Dinah said...

The British trucker gas stuff was all over the news here, so I looked for you in your capacity as media whore. Sadly, You apparently do not drive a big truck.

Inexplicable DeVice said...

He might not drive a truck but I bet he's got a big rig!

Tim said...

T-Bird - Then I … accept you compliment.

I think.

Thanks!

Inexplicable Device - Keep your tentacles away from me!

Dinah - Really? Is it a slow news day over there? Sadly, no, I do not drive a big truck. If I did I'd drive over all the other cars and get to work early EVERY DAY!

Inexplicable Device - WAHAY!

T-Bird said...

Trucker gas? Have all the truckers been extra helpings of baked beans again?

Interesting fact: we call them truckies here.

Tim said...

We actually call them lorry drivers. Because they drive lorries.