Tuesday, January 08, 2008

Quarantine

To steal a turn of phrase: I'b ill.

I woke up this morning at 6:30 to find that, as I feared, the tingle in the throat had developed significantly, and I'm now the poster boy for mucus-awareness week (it's pretty much between me and the Alien Queen as to who leaks more). That being the case, I rolled over and went back to sleep.

At about 10-ish I called into work to tell them that they wouldn't have the pleasure of seeing my pale, snot-covered face sitting in the office today. On the plus side, of all the times to be ill this is probably the best (if such a thing could be said) because I'm not horrendously busy and so can afford to take a day off. Still sucks massively though. I also have the worst bed-head hair ever, which quite frankly I couldn't be bothered to deal with; I have, however, spent the day in fear that someone would ring the doorbell and I'd have to answer it looking like *this*.

I think this is the first time I've taken a sick day since I moved into Sparky Towers, so altogether the experience has been a bit bizarre. In days gone by I had Sparky Ma to look after me, but now my wearied moaning falls on deaf ears, and I have to get my own drinks. The thing that's most weird, though, is the fact that I don't have the family sick blanket to rely on.

Rather like Linus with his security blanket in Peanuts, my family has a massive wooly blanket that only sees service when a member of the family is ill. Bearing in mind how much action that thing's seen over the years, it's probably rife with disease; I'm pretty sure if Sparky Ma was to give it a shake in the garden to freshen it up everyone in a half-mile radius would contract plague. But it was always reassuring to know that if you could survive a couple of days smothered under that thing, you were pretty much sitting pretty alongside cockroaches and potato waffles as the only things that would survive global thermonuclear war.

In the absence of Sparky Ma and the legendary yellow blanket, I've spent my day thus:

• Inhaling Vick's vapour rub.
• Watching South Park (there's bugger all on daytime TV).
• Asleep, until rudely awoken by someone ringing the doorbell at 17:00. I ignored it.

Riveting stuff I think you'll agree. A word of warning, though; don't get Vick's vapour rub smeared across your hands while trying to flick it into a bowl of steamy water. It gets everywhere and is a complete bugger to get off.

So there you have it; I am the living, breathing personification of at least three of the seven dwarves - Sleepy, Sneezy, and Snotty. Roll on Doc's arrival, I say.

19 comments:

Tara said...

Ahhh no, I'm sorry you're the poster child for mucus-awareness week. It is not as comforting when you live alone, without a parent serving us orange juice on the hour every hour or making sure we're warm enough. We have to now get our own meds, soup or tea and we have to put ourselves to bed. Those were the good ole days. Feel better soon!

Inexplicable DeVice said...

Perhaps someone could rub the Vicks on to your chest for you?

Dinah said...

aww. Although you should really say "i'b iiiiiiiilllllllllll" so we all feel appropriately sorry for you. Not that we don't already. That's such a sweet story about the blanket. I hope you feel better soon.

Odd Thomas said...

I'm wary of Vick's Vapour Rub ever since I had a Homer-moment and dabbed some on my nose. Never again!

As you don't have any of the family comforts to help you through this, perhaps you need something like this :-)

Hope you're feeling better soon.

Tim said...

Tara - Exactly! Being ill is nowhere near as much fun as it used to be…

Inexplicable Device - I'm so delirious from fever that I read this and started to think 'that would be ni-' then I stopped myself, because you've clearly got an ulterior motive!

Dinah - I'B IIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIILLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLL!!!! How's that?

Odd Thomas - It is potent stuff. I'm pretty sure it could be used as an explosive at a push. And that video pretty much sums it all up in a nutshell - I'm off to call 999!!

WillowC said...

Aaaaawww poor Tim, at least you've plenty of time for reading. If you need a run-down on the daytime programming schedule, let me know - I have it down to a fine art. Nothing like a bit of chav mockery with Jeremy "spawn of slime" Kyle followed by some Top Gear.

I'll draw you up a timetable, you'll feel better in no time.

WillowC said...

p.s. I wish to make clear that I am in no way suggesting Jeremy Kyle is decent programming.

Tim said...

I can't read anything - I've had a massive headache for the last two days! I'm watching TV a little bit, but that kicks off the headache again.

I'm spending most of my days rocking in bed like a special.

Tim said...

And don't lie - you've got the Jeremy Kyle boxset.

T-Bird said...

Aahhh! I feel for you. I have spent the last 4 days like a tiny hermit in a tiny cave with gastro. The cave doesn't have gastro, the hermit does.

Have you got a wheat bag you can put in the microwave? I've been using and abusing mine to relieve the headaches - it's been working wonders.

*Sending you a sick hug* And by sick, no I don't mean sick in that special grown up way. I just mean a fellow sickerton.

missy&chrissy said...

awhhh, feel better, tim!

we are clutching our Linus security blankets in solidarity with you.

Dinah said...

i love wheat bags. They smell so nice when heated up.

Tim said...

T-Bird - Oh no, not you too! Is there some sort of worldwide illness thingy going on?! And what the hell is a wheat bag? It sounds mystical!

Missy&Chrissy - aaaw, thanks!

Dinah - I say again - what's a wheatbag!? Off to Google…

Inexplicable DeVice said...

My only motive is for your speedy recuperation...

Tim said...

Really?

Dinah said...

it's like a small pillow filled with wheat, with a cloth bag covering it...and you heat it up in the microwave and then put it on you, but it's super bendy and comfortable. It also goes well with sore muscles.

T-Bird said...

And they come in all different sizes! So you can get one for your neck or a bigger one for your back. Awesome.

Dinah said...

i wish i had one right now.

Inexplicable DeVice said...

Of course. We can't have you lollygagging around. There are things that need doing!

And things that need to be done to...