Friday, January 11, 2008

Mummy's little trooper

So, after a crappy Tuesday, a crappier Wednesday, and a crappy Thursday, I finally felt well enough to go back to work today. And by 'well enough to go back to work' I actually mean 'well enough not to crash my car on the way to the office,' or 'well enough not to pebble-dash my colleagues with the acidic offerings of my under-nourished stomach.'

Now that I'm over the worst of the fever, aching body, sinus-induced headaches, free-flowing snot, and dry throat, I'd just like to thank gawd that I wasn't struck down by the other virus that's been sweeping the nation - the sinisterly-named norovirus. After waking ridiculously early on Wednesday and sitting through episodes of The Hoobs and Teletubbies because I was too cold to change the channel, I had the pleasure of catching This Morning with Phillip and Fern during which they interviewed Dr. Chris. Dr. Chris delightfully revealed that the key symptom of the norovirus is "projectile vomiting," and then gleefully added "extending to a distance of approximately three feet!" If he'd typed what he said, I'm pretty certain he would've added "LOL!" at the end, and possibly a smiley emoticon. 

That evening, while huddled up on the bathroom floor after actually feeling the first signs of nausea, I wondered if, were I to throw up, I could get it to land in the sink while sitting on the toilet. Fortunately (or sadly, depending on your vomiting point of view), I was not sick.

After hitting my lowest ebb on Wednesday, the remainder of which I spent watching Big Brother: Celebrity Hijack (an indication, if it were needed, that I was seriously off my face) and marveling at how many ads there are for fitness DVDs at this time of year, things picked up a bit on Thursday, helped considerably by two factors: a visit from Sparky Ma, and a day spent watching episodes of Family Guy. Sparky Ma had texted me the previous evening asking if I needed anything. I replied "a couple of cans of soup would be nice." Bless 'er, she arrived on Thursday morning bearing eight cans of soup, a pack of sugary yum-yums, two bottles of Lucozade, six pints of milk, and a copy of Autocar magazine. The woman's a saint ladened down with Tesco bags.

After she left (to look after Sparky Pa who is equally stricken), I settled down to watch various random episodes of Family Guy, including the one where Brian sells Rupert, and the one where Peter makes his own A-Team, which had me laughing/coughing my guts up thanks to the Bill Cosby aerobics routine (which admittedly would be funnier if youtube hadn't been told to remove all their Family Guy clips).

All-in-all, then, I think I'm clawing my way back to awesomeness. Which is good, because I was quite literally going insane zoning out on my bed all the time. Hurrah!


I don't usually touch on real-life news here, but a couple of stories over the last couple of days have piqued my interest. The first is the story of the separated-at-birth twins who were inexplicably drawn to one another and ended up getting - wait for it - married! That's gotta be deserving of an LOL! Anyway, once you get over the initial "EEEEUGH!" factor, there's some serious comedy gold to have here, like "what were you doing last night?" Answer: "my sister!" Hurrah! Seriously, though, what are the chances of meeting the twin you never knew you had and marrying them? Obviously not as astronomically insane as we thought they were. Still, it's definitely a fascinating story to tell the … um,  grand… children…?


Moving swiftly on… Now, you all know that I like cars, so it should come as no surprise that the other story I want to talk about is the introduction of the Tato Nano, the world's cheapest car! Hurrah! Now, a real car for about £1250 is an amazing achievement - hell, it's cheaper than my computer! That said, I'm pretty sure my computer looks better on my desk than the Tata Nano would. Still, a real car for a smidgeon over a grand?

Oh, wait… That's not it…

That's it. Right, so 1250 quid gets you one of these. I think you'll agree that's pretty amazing value for money. Unless it's powered by a donkey or a child slave, of course. I'm a little torn, though; part of me thinks it's a pretty neat little car that looks waaaaaay better than some motors that cost, well, more than five times it's value, while the other half thinks it's an egg-like abomination on four tiny, tiny wheels. And that's where the problem stems from, I think - just look at the size of those wheels! If they're of a decent size, that car stands about three stories tall. One gust of wind and it'll fall over. It could challenge the Smart ForTwo as the vehicle most suited to the modern-day equivalent of cow-tipping.


Right, those are 12 inch wheels propping it up, which officially makes the Tata Nano about nine feet tall. That definitely means you could drive it standing up. Good times.


T-Bird said...

Oh, there's nothing better than Mummies and Daddies coming over to fix you up, is there? No one can pat me on the forehead and make me feel instantly better like Strega Mama.

Glad you are feeling well enough to not projectile snot or vomit over people!

Tara said...

Awww, good ole Sparky Ma! I love how they bring over more than what is requested of them. When I had the flue a few years ago, my mom brought me orange juice, ice cream and tasty cough meds.

I think it would've been funny for projectile vomit to careen out of a window and onto a person just passing by Sparky Towers, but that would mean you'd be really sick, and that wouldn't be funny. Get 100% better, ya hear?

Tim said...

T-Bird - Exactly! They're like wizards or something!

Tara - Parents are good like that, aren't they? I'm not sure about projectile vomiting out the window though - I'm pretty sure a very stern (and vomit covered) person would soon be knocking on my door!

Dinah said...

That twins story is...bizarre.

I'm watching Family Guy right now! Brian becomes a police dog and a coke fiend.

Tim said...

Isn't it? Oh, Dinah, I watched a double-bill of Family Guy episodes I hadn't seen last night! One of them was the one where Lois ran for mayor, and there was a massive bee in it which met Peter and said: "Oh, hai. I'm a bee. I think I might sting you. But wait! If I sting you, I'll dai. I don't wanna dai."

It was hilarious!

missy&chrissy said...

the tato nano may be my new dream car!

Tim said...

Missy&Chrissy - I think you deserve something far more stylish!