The penis towel story

My penchant for a novelty towel to use while practicing yoga is well documented, with my favourite, and very first, being my legendary Star Trek towel. I mean, who wouldn't want to do full locust face-down in William Shatner and Leonard Nimoy? Exactly.

Well not anymore, because it has been RUINED.

I was practicing on Tuesday night, y'see, when Bikram Yoga Surbiton co-owner and all-round ace teacher Mandy glanced down and sniggered like a naughty schoolgirl. I glanced up and did a serious WTF?! face, at which point she pointed down to my towel and whispered the following five words:

"It looks like a penis."

Now let's bear in mind that I've been using this towel for the best part of three years in class, and this was said in a room full of a load of other students.

Outrageous! I thought, before glancing down at my towel to where she had pointed and conceding that, yes, maybe that artfully placed outline of the Enterprise's port warp nacelle did indeed look a bit like a penis.

DISTURBING.

To make matters worse, Mandy refused to let it go, continuously sniggering away on the podium and pointing to my towel during savasana (particularly the one where I lay looking to the right with my mouth to the, er, nacelle), leading to me folding over the corner of the towel with the offending engine component emblazoned across it in an attempt to dissuade her from making further upsetting comments. This only added fuel to the fire, however, and like the true professional she is she then proceeded to draw a comedy penis on her printout listing the names of all the students in the room before flashing it in my face.

As a result I started giggling, which of course disrupted the class a bit leading to Mandy having to explain to everyone what exactly we were laughing at.

And then when class finished I left the room, wrapped my towel around my waist, and like the classy fellow I am posed for this in no way suggestive photograph:

Behold my penis towel in all its masculine glory!

To top off the whole unsavoury episode, I was teaching a class this morning and happened to notice that one of my lovely students was practicing with her towel turned face-down. "Ooo, what's on your towel?" I enquired, innocently. She glanced back at me and without missing a beat replied "it's a map of Malta. We can't all have a penis on our towels, Tim."