Saturday, May 15, 2010

Mini me, you complete me

So it's that day. Well, actually it's rather late on that day because I got caught up doing other things earlier such as going to yoga, hoovering, taking a long relaxing soak in the tu-

Sorry, I digress.

Where was I? Ah, yes: it's that day - the day I crown the victor of THE OFFICIAL SPARKY TIM CUT OUT 'N KEEP ACTIONLESS FIGURE competition.

Let's not fanny about then, and crack on with the entries, eh?

Princess was first out of the starting gates with an adventure set in a jungle, and concluding with me chillaxing between satin sheets in a giant bed pondering what my next epic jaunt would be. Princess dressed this particular OFFICIAL SPARKY TIM CUT OUT 'N KEEP ACTIONLESS FIGURE in a mix of pink and yellow which, while retina-searingly vibrant and perfect for a walk-on spot in Sex and the City 2 (I'll give those leathery old hags a run for their money, just you watch me!), probably isn't the the most practical attire for a jungle hike.

BONUS POINTS: Nice use of additional points of articulation in the OFFICIAL SPARKY TIM CUT OUT 'N KEEP ACTIONLESS FIGURE.

Cyberpete decked his OFFICIAL SPARKY TIM CUT OUT 'N KEEP ACTIONLESS FIGURE in some sort of shimmering frock (much like Vina from Star Trek's original pilot episode, 'The Cage,' but without the awkward hump-back), and then set it to work helping him assemble a vast TV. Again, like Princess' entry, I'm not sure Pete fully thought out the practicalities of this choice of clothing; real Tim has some paint-splattered trackies ready for any DIY-type duties. Still, the TV is up and running and looks great, so I'll just shut the hell up.

BONUS POINTS: Quality enhancing of the original OFFICIAL SPARKY TIM CUT OUT 'N KEEP ACTIONLESS FIGURE with a unique facial image - a rather horrific photo that I'm not quite sure how Pete got his hands on. The end result looks a bit like something out of South Park, which pleases me.

MINUS POINTS: For lulling me into thinking he'd posed me next to a picture of Lauren Graham as Lorelai Gilmore, then shocking me with the revelation that it was actually Sandra Bullock in some god-awful rom-com. I would've been OK with Sandra Bullock circa Speed, or at a push, Speed 2: Cruise Control.

3. Inexplicable Device
Those poor, poor OFFICIAL SPARKY TIM CUT OUT 'N KEEP ACTIONLESS FIGURES. I dread to think how they've been mistreated by everyone's favourite Norwich-based witch. Still, in his attempt, IDV pandered to a) my ego, by adapting his first OFFICIAL SPARKY TIM CUT OUT 'N KEEP ACTIONLESS FIGURE with a physique I'm trying to work toward much like my own, and b) my love of Star Trek. Not only that, but the action is continuing in a third entry (note to self: this sentence needs rephrasing), where my scantily-clad duplicates and I are fending off hordes of advancing jelly babies, which is uncanny because I actually do *hate* jelly babies. Seriously, if you ever offer me a jelly baby, chances are I'll thump you and stamp on them. What weirdo had the idea to encourage people to eat small gelatin children!?

BONUS POINTS: You had me at the Star Trek uniform.

MINUS POINTS: I'm slightly freaked out by my duplicate with the tiny head. Strike that: I'm massively freaked out by it. It reminds me of the end scene of Beetlejuice.

4. Tara
For her entry in the OFFICIAL SPARKY TIM CUT OUT 'N KEEP ACTIONLESS FIGURE competition Tara decked me out in an orange and purple ensemble, and sent me off bungee jumping. Now, I'd love to actually be able to tell people that I've done a bungee jump, but the thought of tying an elastic band to my ankles and throwing myself off a platform just horrifies me, so Tara's actually done me a huge favour and saved me the hassle: good times! I'm loving the setting of this entry, the action shots, and quite frankly I just look awesomely chilled out and hardcore in the last photo where I've gathered up my shoelace bungee cord and am heading off home (undoubtedly to do more awesome things).

BONUS POINTS: Some nice, subtle folding of the OFFICIAL SPARKY TIM CUT OUT 'N KEEP ACTIONLESS FIGURE (seen here) adds some much-needed dimension to my cardboard self.

So I should adopt my best pouty thoughtful/pensive expression and choose a winner, eh? Well … no. I don't want to. They're all awesome, and it would be like picking which of your children you prefer - or asking Emperor Palpatine to pick his favourite Stormtrooper. Anyway, bless you all for entering and making this a fair-to-middling rousing success!


Tara said...

I have to check out Cyberpete's photos!

Earlier last week I placed the Sparky Tim cutout off to the side, and Skittles bit down on the doll and almost carried it off to her lair under the bed. So there are some tiny teeth marks on Sparky Tim's face. So your bungee jumping adventure might've turned into a horror story if I hadn't caught her in time!

This was very fun, thank you!

Inexplicable DeVice said...

"What weirdo had the idea to encourage people to eat small gelatin children!?" A witch. Who do you think? After all, witches make houses out of sweets, so why not children?

Sorry about the Beetlejuice-esque head - I couldn't be bothered with the effort of resizing it.

Everyone's efforts are fantastic! This was a brilliant competition, thank you.

* slinks off cackling to surprise Tim with a third entry *

Mwah hah hah hah haa!

CyberPete said...

I may have more in store for my Tim. I'm thinking of making it a continuing segment on my blog. Not thinking of how scary stalkerish that will look.

Tim said...

Tara - Wow, Tiny Tim versus the Attack of the Huge Cat-Beast!! And I've been left with scars since the attack!?

Inexplicable Device - Well thank you for your entr- um, contribution!

Cyberpete - An ongoing adventure? Brilliant!!

CyberPete said...

Wait.. You gave me minus points?

I didn't actually let you believe you were posing with the lovely Lauren Graham. That was all in your head and that particular rom-com was wonderful. Even the soundtrack is delightful.

Tim said...

OK, no, you didn't - but you DID make the mistake of putting me next to a picture that looked like Lauren Graham, when, in fact, you could've just put me next to Lauren Graham.

I know you've got Gilmore Girls on DVD.

That, Sir, is called TEASING.

Tara said...

Yup, Sparky Tim has war scars - talk about hardcore! And quite frankly, bad-ass! A true explorer should have some kind of scar from his past travels.