Monday, February 25, 2008


As many of you might (not) have noticed, after days of zero activity my Nike+ widget is now displaying another rather sad looking graph that resembles something a special might have drawn while running alongside a white wall with a green crayon in his hand. 

Of course, I'm still enjoying the fact that it also looks like another horizontally-aligned face in profile, although this is not intentional. I will, however, be open to the idea of taking requests if anyone would like me to attempt to create a famous face via the medium of running and Nike+. Maybe I could be like Rain Man or something? Oh no, wait, I mean the dude from My Left Foot - didn't he paint? Rain Man just advised people to fly Quantas, right?

Anyway, I got the surprise of my life while out running last night - well actually as I finished up running. I did an awesome sprint finish (as displayed on the widget by the rather dramatic and sexy upturn on the right of the graph), after which I clicked 'finish workout.' At that point the lovely robot lady voice tells you how far you've run, how many calories you've burnt up - all that sort of thing - after which it usually just all goes silent. Not last night though!

Immediately after lovely robot lady finished telling me how good I was, another voice chimed up. It was most unexpected, and startled the tits off me for a second.

"Hi! This is Lance Armstrong," it said. "Congratulations - you've just done your longest run so far!" That was nice, I thought, while also feeling just a little bit grateful that he didn't cut off a Sheryl Crow song to tell me that.


I've also just learnt via the wonders of the tinternet that long-distance running woman Paula Abdul… I mean Paula Radcliffe (mother of Daniel) has also recorded a soundbite for Nike+. I'm hoping it'll chime in when I'm doing the 10k in June with a helpful comment that goes something like: "by 'eck, it's about time you squatted over a drain and strained the greens - you must be fit to burst!"

I don't know why I imagine she talks in a thick Yorkshire accent, but there you go.

I'm also hoping they might get Majel Barrett Roddenberry to do one. It could just randomly say "working" while you're running around.


Dinah said...

Yay! Although I'd be seriously freaked if Lance Armstrong's voice started talking to me. And Majel Barrett Roddenberry would be AWESOME.

Inexplicable DeVice said...

These voices: Do they appear in your ear phones, or are they broadcast loudly for all and sundry to hear?

Tim said...

Dinah - Lance freaked me out too! We should definitely start a campaign to get Majel on Nike+ - she could reel off warp factors the faster you run!

Inexplicable Device - In my headphones! It would be just a tad embarrassing for it to be broadcast to all and sundry. Although they might worship me for my athletic prowess…

Tara said...

I'm not a big sports fan, but I would think that Lance Armstrong's inspirational message would be a nice encouragement. Scary at first, yes. But it's the thought that counts. :)

While painting my bathroom on Sunday, I kept getting calls from Hilary Clinton. At first I thought she was calling me to tell me that I'm doing a good job with the bathroom, but no it was all about getting in one more vote. Well she lost mine, if she ever had it. Don't interrupt me while I'm painting, Hilary!

Tim said...

As long as he doesn't keep popping up all the time, that'll be OK - once is enough!

Hilary Clinton called you!? Good grief, that would've scared me more than Lance!!

T-Bird said...

I like Hillary. I hope she wins. I just hate those automated voice calls they do - it annoys everybody.

I had to look up that Rodenberry bird - now if she was the voice of the computer, I bet you'd try to talk back to her, Shatner stylee.

Oh, and is that woman really Daniel Radcliffe's Mum? She can't be... can she?

skillz said...

"Hi! This is Lance Armstrong," it said. "Congratulations - you've just done your longest run so far!"

That's a bit bloody rich from someone who's so lazy he bye-cycles everywhere.

Hillary/Obama v McCain

Hmmm.... the last one does it for me, if only because he's the only one that's a famous brand of chips.

Dinah said...

And juice!

I loved Majel Barrett as Lwaxana Troi. I thought she was awesome, with her attitude and flirting and manservant. Actually, I liked Mr. Homn, too. They were totally awesome.

missy&chrissy. said...

i don't think i would have even been able to recognize lance armstrong's voice if he didn't announce himself?

and i'm thinking your nice little nike squiggle is reminding me a little of alfred hitchcock...i think its the chin

Tim said...

T-Bird - I like Hilary too! I think she'd be a rather cool president, automated phone calls aside. Obama seems a dude, too. Either or, I'm easy.

Oh T-Bird. T-Bird, T-Bird, T-Bird… No she's not Radcliffe's mum. Although she did just speak to me via my iPod - she congratulated me on a personal best mile!

Skillz - McCain does have the whole chips thing going for him, eh? Captain Birdseye should join the race - that would throw the whole thing wide open!

Dinah - Majel actually wanted to do a Lwaxana sitcom where special guests would beam into her closet every week. Funnily enough, though, no one else saw the potential in it…

Missy&Chrissy - I know! He's got a totally boring voice, too. And check out mah squiggle now - it just looks weird!

Dinah said...

I have no idea who Paula Radcliffe is, so I just nodded along politely at that part.

Tim said...

She's a British long-distance runner who, aside from her talent, is well known for a few interesting stories which include, in no particular order:

• Dropping out of a run and crying, apparently because she wasn't first.

• Stopping for a toilet break during the London Marathon where she squatted - on live television - over a grating in the road and just opened the floodgates.

• Running while visibly pregnant, and still putting in a very impressive time. The bitch.

• Having a very shouty husband who clearly berates her when she's a bit rubbish (which admittedly isn't very often)