4. Crashing out in front of the tellybox
And so this is where you come in, lovely reader. I'm looking for some excitement and adventure in my life and you're going to help me find it (or at least I hope you are; this could prove to be an epically spectacular FAIL if you all shun me like a diseased street urchin). To accomplish this I'm introducing a new competition, and the very first (and probably last) item of official Sparky Malarkey merchandise (and, for some people, the answer to long-held, slightly rapey desires).
Ladies and germs, I present to you: THE OFFICIAL SPARKY TIM CUT OUT 'N KEEP ACTIONLESS FIGURE!
1. Click on the picture above and print out your very own OFFICIAL SPARKY TIM CUT OUT 'N KEEP ACTIONLESS FIGURE.
2. Now glue your OFFICIAL SPARKY TIM CUT OUT 'N KEEP ACTIONLESS FIGURE to a piece of card - something like an old cereal box will do, although classier alternatives will be noted at the end of the competition. Cut carefully around me (do try to keep within the lines - I don't want to lose an ear or something). Maybe consider adding a rudimentary stand if you're sufficiently adept at cardboard engineering.
3. Relive your awkward childhood dress-up fantasies by accessorising your OFFICIAL SPARKY TIM CUT OUT 'N KEEP ACTIONLESS FIGURE with a stunning outfit.
4. Pop your OFFICIAL SPARKY TIM CUT OUT 'N KEEP ACTIONLESS FIGURE into a stunning background - either a real location (if you live somewhere awesome) or a picture you've stolen off the interwebs (if your present location is crushingly dull).
5. Now tell me about the awesome shenanigans your OFFICIAL SPARKY TIM CUT OUT 'N KEEP ACTIONLESS FIGURE is getting up to, either by posting on your own blog, or emailing it to me. At some vaguely undecided point in the future (let's say May 15th) I'll do a round-up of your
childlike scrawlings awesome work (yes, I'll be cutting and pasting your posts into my blog to make it look like I've written a load of exciting content) and pick a winner. There's no prize, although I may be tempted to send some beard shavings random tat out if I'm overcome by your sycophantic efforts.
There we have it then. I
dread to see can't wait to see what you've got in store for my little cardboard clones!